It’s a pretty typical story: girl meets boy, girl likes boy, girl forgets about everything else.
I have to say I never thought I would be “that girl.” The one who ditches her friends for her boyfriend and his, who cares about being in his crowd, who cancels plans with friends to make new ones with him.
I became pretty pathetic. Or in guy terms, I was a stage-five clinger.
It took a while for me to realize that this was a problem and even longer for me to change. Because the more time you spend with someone, the harder it is to see being away from each other as a viable option.
Be away from my boyfriend? But what else would I do?
I lost myself.
From what I’ve heard from my other friends, this is a common problem. Something about the chemical makeup of a girl’s brain tells her to hang around her boyfriend way more than he would hang around her.
When you first start dating someone, everything is perfect. Spending an evening watching “South Park” reruns with his friends and ordering Pizza X is perfect. Wherever he was, that’s where I wanted to be.
One night, I was sick and not to get my boyfriend sick too, I stayed home. I painted, a long-time hobby of mine. I realized how much of my own stuff I could do when I wasn’t with him.
We spent this past summer apart. He was in Bloomington, and I was in New York. I didn’t have too many friends in New York, and I realized how awesome it was to wake up late on a Saturday morning and have the entire day to myself. If I wanted to go to a market and shop until dinner, I could. If I decided to do something one minute, I could change my mind the next.
Enjoying that personal freedom carried over to this school year, when I finally began making more decisions based on what I wanted to do and what was really best for me.
I started reaching out to old friends, ones who’ve known me through four years of crushes, break ups and countless tears. And I realized that even though I had abandoned them, they were ready and eager to accept me back.
A few months ago I went out with a couple of friends I made last year. One of them asked me why my boyfriend wasn’t out with me. Keep in mind, this was a group of four girls out at the Bluebird. Anyone in a long-term relationship will tell you, sometimes as much as you love the other person and no matter how great your relationship is, you need a night out with your friends.
At first I thought only he needed those nights; that I was the clingy one. And I was. But now I see how refreshing it is to spend an evening doing whatever I feel like doing, whether that’s spending time with old friends or watching TV in my pajamas until I fall asleep on the couch.
I would tell you not to be the girl that I was, but I won’t. It was a good learning experience to see how far I could drift away from my old self, and how I could return. I spend more time alone this year, enjoying my quiet house, with only a dripping faucet to disrupt the peace.
And as I sit here writing in my calm living room, I’m making plans for tonight. “The King’s Speech.” 10 p.m.
For the first time in a while, I don’t feel the urge to invite my boyfriend. Or anyone else.
Just, myself.