For anyone who has ever stumbled into the dating section at Barnes and Noble, you were probably there for one reason. Whether you were actively searching out a self-help book for your love life or you just happened to “get lost” (wink) on your way to the fashion section, most dating books seem to come with the promise of love. Read just a sentence or two on the back cover, and these authors might as well give you a coupon to send away for a generic male to trick into loving you. That’s right– TRICK. From books like “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” and “Why Men Love Bitches” to other (more convincing titles) like “How to Make Any Man Want You”, these books teach girls how to create a facade to fool any man, stifle your own wants and needs long enough to snag the attention of the opposite sex, and deny your own self worth by encouraging you to memorize anywhere from 2-14 “easy” steps on how to cure your epic singleness.
“The Case for Falling in Love”, by Mari Ruti, PhD, was clearly written for all girls sick of memorizing, tricking, and pretending their way to attracting guys. This is the book that will change your thinking instead of twisting and oppressing it. In two parts and 12 chapters, Ruti breaks down our typical conceptions of dating advice books and explains how to correct this thinking for the modern girl.
Having never read a dating book until “The Case for Falling in Love”, I wasn’t entirely sure what a typical book of this genre would tell me. Luckily, this didn’t turn out to be a problem. Clearly well versed in the subject matter, Ruti was educated at Harvard and Brown and (maybe even more impressively) delved into almost every dating book on the planet before tackling her own book. Consequently, Ruti spends a great deal of the book summarizing all of her findings (and saving the rest of us about a year of reading).
Although there are 12 chapters to the book, depending on where you are in your personal life, not all of the chapters will apply to you. With that being said, as your typical collegiette™, I found several chapters that were particularly relevant to where I am in my life. From “For Better Romantic Advice, Watch Gossip Girl” to “Why Playing Hard to Get Won’t Work” and a chapter on being allowed to feel heartbreak, Ruti managed to come up with new advice and perspectives on guys and relationships that every collegiette™ should read.
Clearly aware of her reader, she uses fictional characters like Lucas Scott from “One Tree Hill” and Seth Cohen from “The OC” to keep us engaged and enthralled. Ruti puts to rest common tips that collegiettes™ have learned through the years from each other, television, and (my personal favorite) the love life sections in our favorite magazines. She instead teaches us how we should be thinking.
I found Ruti’s viewpoints on love and dating to be refreshing and positive, without being too preachy and over the top on the “girl-power” end of things. One of my favorite tips from the entire book was: “Playing hard to get is what you do when you’re not sure of your value.” She treats the concept of being single as an option or a decision one makes, not some condition that we should seek to cure.
Ruti offers that having high expectations for the guys you date and choosing to be single over dating a less-than-stellar guy is a GOOD THING. In a world filled with other books like ” Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough”, Ruti encourages girls to set the bar high. She says, “We can lower our bar. Or we can take it elsewhere. I recommend picking up that bar and carrying it to the next hot guy who crosses your path.” (Tell that to the next person who asks you why you’re still single!)
Although at times Ruti overwhelms the reader with a few too many facts and statistics and beats you over the head with some concepts, there are true nuggets of gold within this book that will change the way you view dating. While most self-help books cause you to feel like a failure by the end, Ruti’s book will leave you feeling re-energized no matter where you are in your personal life.
Overall, Ruti’s “The Case for Falling in Love” does just what the title says: it makes a well researched and well argued case for falling in love– formula free! For any collegiettes™ looking for the kind of love that you don’t need 45 million steps to find, this book is a definite must read for summer! Ending with the chapter “What is Meant to be Always Will” and her 12 “Anti-rules”, Ruti makes the case for falling in love 100% rule free and fun. And really, what could be better than that?
Want to learn more? Check out Mari Ruti’s website!