“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by very experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do,”—Eleanor Roosevelt.
Q: All of my guy friends make fun of me because I have a list, you know, the subconscious one that every girl has. Is it okay for girls to have a list?
A: A girl knowing what she wants can be a very attractive quality. However, a picky girl… not so much. Of course it’s important to have some idea of what you want in a guy, but you should evaluate what these qualities are and how important they are. Is it absolutely necessary that your guy has a car? Or is it more important that he’s goal oriented? How necessary is it that he has blue eyes? As long as your list doesn’t include a million and one specific things I don’t see a problem with it. I would suggest you choose 3-5 top qualities to be on the top of your list and focus on those. Don’t get too narrow. Although I think it’s a good idea to keep your list in mind, I would also say don’t be afraid to shy away from it a little. Accept a date from “Tim,” that guy in your history class; even if he isn’t the type of guy you would normally go for. As young college women, this is your chance for new experiences and most importantly, mistakes. I know: who would purposely make mistakes? But this is the time! You may be pleasantly surprised at how much you and Tim have in common or at how well he listens to you (a nice trait that may or may not be on your list) or you may have the most awkward uncomfortable date ever. But hey, at least now you know and if anything, now you have a good story to tell. Besides, how can you decide on what qualities you like in a guy if you haven’t experienced and decided on what you don’t like? The point is, there’s nothing wrong with having a list, but just make sure you’re still going out and experiencing new things because I promise you, your list will change and improve as you go.
Q: I have never asked a guy out before, because I am just too shy. What are some ways that I can approach a guy without being too aggressive and forward?
A: The most important rule of thumb when approaching a guy is confidence. Not only will it help how you’re feeling, it’s also an attractive quality. “Fake it ‘til you make it!” Even if you’re not feeling confident, walk the walk and talk the talk like you are. Give yourself a mini- pep talk. Remind yourself that you are beautiful, accomplished, and have a lot to offer. Okay, so now it’s time to go in. I recommend using a question as an ice breaker. If you have a class with him, ask him a question about the homework. If you see he’s on a sports team, ask him when the next game is. How does he like being on the team? Try to spark up a conversation. Just be casual. Take this chance to show your personality, charm him with your smile. It’s just like talking to anyone else. Don’t put any pressure on yourself or on him to make it anything more just yet. Of course, we all know this can go either way. He may or may not be interested in getting to know you, and it can be a little heartbreaking if he isn’t, but just remember this: you got nothing to lose! Hopefully things will go well and a simple question about homework turns into a study date and so on and so forth. However, if he winds up not being interested, you’re just back to square one. You haven’t missed out on anything except a conversation with a boy who’s not even interested. In fact, you’ve actually gained something because at least now you know! Making the first move is another quality that many guys find attractive and it gets easier with practice. So the next time you’re a little hesitant to approach a guy, just remember you got nothing to lose and put yourself out there! I promise you won’t regret it.