The Long Distance Relationship
Research is suggesting that recently the amount of long distance relationships (LDRs) amongst college students has increased. This fact can be attributed to an improvement in technology, and communication in general. It is easier than ever to stay in touch with people and bridge physical distances through phone calls, web cameras, facebook and text messaging. Every year countless individuals have to make a decision about whether or not to enter into such a relationship. Some have to make this decision upon completing high school and realizing that their boyfriend is going to school across the country (Lets face it we don’t sit down and plan out our lives so that dream schools are only a few miles apart.) Others experience this relationship when one person is studying abroad. Some couples meet at a time in their lives when they live in different cities and states. These couples know nothing but LDRs. Like any type of relationship, there are two sides of the coin. There are countless reasons why LDRs can be rewarding, but at the end of the day there will always be a geographical distance in an LDR.
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Pros:
1. Many view long distance relationships as effectively less time consuming. You get to do your own thing without constantly having someone else around. You don’t need to add spending time with the boyfriend onto the never ending to do list that college students have. It makes the balancing act of college a little easier in that regard. You don’t find yourself feeling guilty when you decide that you need to study on your own or just want to have some time for yourself. But at the same time, if and when you ever need a listening ear, there is someone on the other end of a cell phone or webcam waiting to listen.
2. They force you to make friends and still participate in campus activities. We have all had that friend who becomes “that girl” when she gets into a relationship. Everything in her life revolves around her and her boyfriend. All her other friends seem to drop off the face of the planet. If your boyfriend is not on the same campus as you there is a significantly lower chance of becoming “that girl”. You are enabled to maintain healthy friendships with other people and participate in activities that enrich your overall college experience.
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3. If you go into an LDR straight out of high school your boyfriend knows you pretty well. Chances are you went to prom together, had late night conversations all summer and have a ton of inside jokes. Turning a high school relationship into an LDR will allow you to hold on to something during a period of extreme change and uncertainty. Everything around you from your interests to your friendships to your style will be changing. Having a constant in your life, especially someone who knew you before this period of change can be comforting and make some difficult transitions a little easier to handle.
4. You learn to make the most of every moment. If you see someone all the time, conversations become trite and seeing them is no longer as exciting as it was initially. If you see someone less often, you look forward to the simple things like going for a drive together or grabbing a cup of coffee. The ordinary seemingly mundane will all of a sudden become very exciting.
5. Depending on how serious the relationship is, you get to visit a new campus, city or country. It is an opportunity to travel and experience a place that you probably would not have seen otherwise. You also get to experience this new place with someone who means a lot to you. Sounds like a win win situation.
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Cons:
1. In LDRS it is almost inevitable that jealousy issues will come up. Your friends might be strangers to him and vice versa. Grabbing dinner at Leo’s with a guy on your floor can be seen as something completely different if your boyfriend doesn’t know the dynamic between you and your floor mate, and those pictures you took at a party with one of your guy friends? Totally asking for problems. It also becomes hard to measure on your end what his interactions with other girls are. Its only natural to overanalyze and sometimes feel a bit jealous, especially since that girl gets to be in the same place as him while you are not.
2. LDRS divert attention from what is actually there in front of you. The hours spent at your computer or on a phone can easily be spent doing a problem set, making new friends, trying a new sport or just experiencing college life. Once your four years of your undergraduate experience are over, you can’t have them back. You want to be able to have real vivid memories of your college experience, not images of you sitting at a laptop or with a phone. You essentially are neither fully at your own university nor at your boyfriends.
3. The connection will never be what it could be/what it was if you were in the same place. You can talk every minute of every day but the bottom line of there being a physical distance between you two will not change. He won’t know all the people you talk about and won’t always be able to relate to situations on campus. This might seem trivial, but it adds an emotional distance to a physical distance which just makes the relationship that much more difficult.
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4. You can’t celebrate birthdays, holidays and milestones on the actual date. Instead you need to wait until you are in the same place, which could be weeks or months later. I mean I am all for celebrating birthdays year round, but there is a significant difference between celebrating something when it occurs and later down the line.
5. It seems like people in LDRs are constantly waiting. They are counting down until they can be in the same city again, even if they only have a few days in the same city. Always waiting and counting down detracts from living life in the moment and truly experiencing all that college has to offer. Four years will fly by and your boyfriend might or might not be around by the end of them. But your experiences and your memories will be with you forever.
Countless couples have mastered the art of the LDR while others have questioned why they even tried it in the first place. Its difficult and time consuming but sometimes it ends up being completely worthwhile.
Sources:
http://cupidblogger.com/love-the-distance-or-distance-the-love/
http://www.alphalifestyle.com/1020/how-to-make-long-distance-relationshi…
http://www.justcolleges.com/blog/online-degrees/college-long-distance-re…
http://www.dating-relationship-advice-for-women.com/long-distance-relati…
http://blogs.sohh.com/confessions/2008/02/waiting_on_the_phone_to_is_tha…