YOU DEVIL YOU: Halloween Sexedition

Halloween weekend at Duke is one of those occasions like LDOC or Tailgate (RIP, big sad face) that you have to prepare for in advance.  Halloween weekend spans the Friday and Saturday evenings closest to October 31^st and requires two days of planning and prep, stamina and enthusiasm.  Not to mention, months of creative thinking and social navigating to get the best Halloween group costumes, party plans, and festive ideas. 
 
Whether it is your first or last Halloween experience at Duke, I’ve come up with some tips that you can use as a checklist in this last week of preparation or as a guide for next year if you fall flat on your hung over and Halloween-ed out face this time around.   It’s okay.  You’re allowed one Halloween black out, brown out, ball out, however you want to frame it.  Leh-go.
 
Step 1: Veteran participants know to get their costumes months in advance.  So what if you’re thinking about the kind of sexy animal you’re going to be for Halloween in August?  That’s just good planning.  True vets also know that the trick at Duke is to have two completely different costumes, one for Friday and one for Saturday.  Guys can get away with walking around as themselves or sans shirts claiming to be “bros” or “at the beach”.  Girls are better than that.  We’re more creative and we’ve got a lot more to show off.   Plus, costumes are the main attraction of Halloween as a holiday.  Best said by Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls, before she went all psycho (who could ever forget), “Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it”.  She only got one part of it wrong. Other girls can definitely say a thing or two about it.  They can be freaking jealous and congratulate you on A) winning the Halloween game and B) winning some great casual Halloween sex.  (Totally worth forgoing the refectory brownies for the entire month of October.  Trust me, totally worth it.  And you can start eating them again right after.  Perfect, you’ll have the munchies anyway).  So whether you decide to be a sexy bunny the first night and a sexy cat the second, or a sexy bride turned sexy cop overnight, make sure to get your costumes fast because there’s nothing worse than running into another slutty girl wearing the same slutty costume.  And then what will she have to say about you?  That she’s embarrassed that the costume looks better on you.  Oh wait, so you still win.  Costumes are really the most important part of Halloween, obviously.  So don’t wait ‘til the last minute to realize you need a totally new costume for Saturday night or you’ll look like a fool wearing that same sexy mouse costume you wore last night.  Not to mention, it smells like all of the beer you spilled on it because your cute little mouse mouth couldn’t shotgun.  #sexymouseproblems.
 
Step 2: Pace yourself.  It’s a marathon, not a race.  That means don’t put on your sexy kangaroo costume, get silly, and then wake up in your bed alone in your dorm room at midnight with no recollection of how you #failedsohard.   Pace yourself.  Enjoy the moment.  Enjoy walking down the quad or onto the bus in your heels and barely there underwear bringing all the boys to your sexy puppy yard because it only happens once a year.  You want to remember it and you want to eventually get to the end of the night when you meet a hottie and let him rip off your sexy Eve costume leaf by leaf to get to the forbidden goodies.  Sexy Sober Sally is a great costume idea too, you know.  Enjoy the fact that you’re on a college campus for Halloween away from trick-or-treaters and your parents.  Yuck.  And if you’re going to Chapel Hill, I hate you because I’m jealous and have never been.  But you’re sure to have a “grool” time.  (“I meant to say cool and then I started to say great”).
 
Step 3: #rage. #groupphotos. TONS of #groupphotos.  Duh, so you can prof pic the sluttiest one and it’s totally okay!  Because it’s Halloween!  You’re not actually a slutty pirate, you just dress up like one with all your hot slutty pirate friends!  Take the slutty pirate costume and meet the dirty pirate captain of your dreams on the dance floor or at a party, at the bus stop or at a late night eatery, I’m sure he’ll hook you. HA HA HAlloween sex.
 
Halloween sex, like all holiday related sex, is amazing.  It is the only sex that’s okay to have without feeling weird about not really knowing your partner because you’re both in costume as it is.  You’re not supposed to know each other.  You can be whoever you want to be.  So you’re banging a Zebra one night and a Lumberjack the next.  How fun is that?  Did you ever think you would nab a Zebra?  At Duke?  And what about a Lumberjack? I bet that plaid feels so soft.  It’s also great because if it turns kinky, it’s okay, because it’s Halloween and Halloween is kind of kinky.  So he doesn’t want you to take off the bunny ears and white cotton ball tail while you do the dirty…its okay because it’s Halloween! And he probably just really likes playing with the cotton ball tail…it’s okay, it’s Halloween!  Halloween sex does wonders for role-playing and your ability to role-play.  Let your guy in on the secret that Halloween would be the one time a year he could actually get you into the whole French maid thing, because duh, its your Halloween costume, so you have to act it all out.   When else can you?  Never.  And you’re probably already wearing something tiny and easily removable so sex becomes extremely accessible at Halloween.  Thanks Halloween, you make my sex better every year.
 
Step 4:  Have the hangover cure ready and strategically placed next to your bed or in your purse/wallet that you (hopefully) manage to keep with you during your overnight stay on West Campus, Central Campus, or East Campus if you really brought out that sexy devil in you.  You need to be pumped and ready for the second round of Halloween banter so be prepared to pop some Advil and drink gallons of water.  Take some milk thistle and sit down and carve a pumpkin (do something that doesn’t require too much thinking, although the hand-eye coordination could be a problem, be careful).  Even if you’re not drinking on Halloween you will be exhausted from the nights events whether its party hopping, dancing at Metro 8 and eventually Shooters, or getting it on with your boyfriend, your new friend, or your computer.  So rest up ladies, you’ll need your strength.  Plus, your second costume is even better than your first (who can resist a sexy lion cub?) so you gotta take it out for a spin in Craven or on 9^th street.   By 6pm you should be back in the grind, fitting yourself into that skimpy costume and strutting down the hallway in heels or go go boots (whatever your pleasure) practicing for the dark and rocky roads of campus ahead. 
 
With those tips being said, it’s okay if you don’t want to be a slutty animal and rather roll up like Lindsay did in Mean Girls with her fat zombie bride costume.  Maybe some guy like Aaron Samuels will like you for your personality, not your slutty taste in lingerie and animal ears.  Creativity can sometimes get the cat better than skank-tivity.  This article, after all, is coming from the Halloween vet who went as a banana one year, I kid you not.  Totally asexual…or maybe really sexual, you take your pick.  Any way you choose to spend your Halloween, taking some or none of these tips with you, get ready for a long weekend in celebration of…candy and dead people?  Just don’t forget your sexy manatee costume, that one gets ‘em every time.
 
Photo Credit: http://images2.fanpop.com/images/polls/128376_1224009487879_full.jpg