Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problemas? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
There’s a guy in my class and we were paired up to work on a project together. It should have taken us about a half hour but it ended up taking us five. We spent most of the time just talking. A little over a week later after not hearing from him, I decided to text him. I asked him to hang out and we met up the next night at a frozen yogurt place around campus. I had a really great time but I haven’t heard from him since, and I’m not sure what to do. – Confused at Colgate
I love frozen yogurt. It really is the best possible go-to date; there are just SO MANY options. But, as that’s not really relevant to your problemo, dear friend, I’ll avoid waxing romantic upon my love of fro-yo. This particular man-beast you seem to be referring to is one that requires the utmost care. He seems to be particularly shy: he lets you make the first move, he lets you organize the date, etc. Besides for the obvious solution—namely, him growing a pair of cajones—I’d suggest that you continue along this path. If he wasn’t interested in you beyond the lab partner context, he wouldn’t have agreed to the date. Therefore, I suggest a more “date-y” type date this time around. Put the ball in his court; shoot him a text or FB message saying how you would love to see him again, but that this time it’s his job to figure out the details. This will simultaneously empower his masculinity a bit more while also furthering your romantic agenda.
I like one of my closest guy friends. All of last semester, we were hooking up and I was always sleeping over. During the summer, we talked every single day. When school started up again, we hooked up three times. One of those times we hooked up, we started talking about what was going on and decided (for whatever reason) that it just wouldn’t work out between us for a variety of reasons, such as he wanted to hook up with more girls and he doesn’t want to hurt me… Anyway, a week later, we hooked up again and the next morning we decided that in order for no one to get hurt and to keep our friendship solid, we had to follow our original plan and actually stop. No more mistakes. Fast-forward a month later, he is now hooking up with two of my best friends (which really sucks) and I have been doing my own thing hookup-wise. And ironically we are now closer than ever. However, this morning we hooked up again. We agreed to keep it quiet and not say anything because of my two friends, but I can’t help wondering, what is going on with him? I don’t know what to think at all. I feel as if me going abroad in the spring is important, but what is his deal with me? Does he like me or is he just being some hormonal and confused college guy? –Â Dizzy at Denver
Dear Dizzy,
Love is a two-way street, and I hardly think it fair to place the blame upon him. He hardly had to force you into this mack-session, did he? And furthermore, if these two chicas are as close of friends as you think them to be… Why the hell would you make things more convoluted than they already are?! I don’t even know how to proceed with your conundrum, as confusing as it is, and I’m going to match your essay of a question with a one-sentence answer: STOP TIPTOEING AROUND THINGS AND STOP MAKING THINGS SO COMPLICATED. Sit this man-beast down; explain your feelings to him… And let the chips fall where they may. This merry-go-round of secret discussions and hook-ups is hardly healthy and is clearly solving nothing. As harsh as it may be, the answers to your questions lie in your ability to STOP MAKING THINGS SO COMPLICATED. There are so many factors to this situation now, which make it seem highly unlikely for you to untangle these problems without someone getting hurt. The best advice I can give is to be brutally honest with everyone—yourself included—and see where the cards fall.
So I dated/”talked” to this guy for pretty much the entire summer. From the start I knew it couldn’t go anywhere because he is moving back home (3 hours away), but we had fun together and enjoy spending time with one another so we kept things going. We would go home together every night we went out and go on dates, and also hang out sober. When it came to sex I would typically have to be the one to initiate it, so I could tell whatever we had going on was way more than just sex. Our relationship was very public but the entire time we talked his “Crazy Ex” was trying to get back into the picture. She would cause scenes when we were out, and he would constantly (and publicly) choose me, over her. A few weeks ago he texted me and told me that he felt like things had gotten way out of hand, and said we needed to chill on hanging out. A few days later I found out he’d been hanging with his ex, and they were “talking” again. But then every time we go out, we talk, and he tells me how much he liked me more than her but it just couldn’t work because he is leaving, and she is just someone to hook up with. He has great things to say about me and awful things to say about her, but yet still hangs out with her now? Is he being for real about just having her to hook up with, and ending us because he is leaving? I’m so confused! -Huh? at Harvard
Dear Lord, you HC Girls are really starting to follow a similar pattern. This guy seems like a grade-A douchebag. End of story, end of chapter, end of context. If he were really as over this “Crazy Ex” as he says he is, then he wouldn’t be talking to her in the first place. Examining the situation from an apathetic position, it seems to me that you’re a relatively normal—if grammatically challenged—girl that has your head on straight. His ex does indeed seem just as crazy as one would think. Creating scenes? How passé! The simple fact of the matter is that he’s clearly not over this ex-girlfriend, and until he is he won’t be able to provide the support and respect that relationships require.
I am a senior in high school and my boyfriend is a freshman in college. We have been dating for juuuust over a year, and things WERE going great. However, he seems to hang out a lot with this one girl. In high school, he hung out with girls more than guys and everything was fine. Now I am beginning to worry. Today, I texted him around 7, and he was hanging out with said girl downtown, he told me we would Skype at 9:30. As it gets closer to 9:30, he texts me an apology, saying that they are going bowling and we can Skype tomorrow. He completely blew me off, and it is hard enough enjoying life back home without him. Should this be something to worry about? Should I ask him if he has a crush on her or something? Am I just overreacting? I’m so upset and confused… -Missing Him in Michigan
Sadly, my dear friend, it is something to worry about. Anyone at all familiar with my answers to questions like this knows what my response will usually be. Out of sight, out of mind is a reality. Whatever you may have had while you were both still in high school has irrevocably changed since he entered college. The girls are new and different—and more often than not, more mature—and any red-blooded male will be hard-pressed to stay faithful to his high-school-age girlfriend back home. To clarify, you have done nothing wrong. Long-distance relationships are incredibly difficult to maintain, and with age differences, they are that much more difficult. My best advice for you is to see if this type of behavior continues, and if it does, have a realistic conversation with your man-beast. If he can make time to Skype with you, explain your concerns and see what he has to say. If I’m correct, bite the bullet and tell him that maybe you should reevaluate things the next time he comes home.
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