Need polite, concise, pop culture-laden answers to your guy problemas? Our Real Live College Guy Joey (not to be confused with our other Real Live College Guy, Joe) will answer any and all questions about relationships and that ever-elusive beast, the male species, with thoughtfulness and (fingers-crossed) humor.
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I’m hooking up with this guy and stay over with him once or twice a week, but we’re not in a relationship. I’d really like to leave a toothbrush, change of clothes, and makeup there for convenience sake so I don’t always have to do the walk of shame, but I’m worried this will freak him out. What do you think? How should I go about this? Should I bring it up and ask him if it’s ok, or just leave my stuff there one time? Or should I just not even try this? – Spending the Night at San Diego State
In my VAST amount of experience… It would probably be best to just bring up the idea without actually asking his approval. You know what I mean? No? Fine. With situations like these, you have to teach your man-beast how he’s supposed to behave by giving him the “option” of saying no without actually allowing him to do so. Regardless of your “relationship” status, if you’re spending the night on a regular basis, then you deserve to have some necessities at his place. A toothbrush, a little (emphasis on the little) makeup and a few pieces of clothing aren’t a huge deal. A few specifics for you, Spending the Night; open with a “Hey! Since I’ve been spending a lot of time here do you think it’d be possible to just throw a few items in a bag and leave them here so I don’t have to stress about hiding my face on the walk home?” Hit him with a nice dose of guilt and an emphasis on the time spent at his place. It’s like a one-two-punch. Should be an easy answer for your man. If, however, you’re too nervous to bring up said conversation, my only advice is to bring an extra-large purse and stuff it full with any early-morning necessities.
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I don’t drink and am not a partier (not to say that I am boring, I just know how to have fun sober). I find it really hard to find guys who don’t drink or at least not get extremely wasted all the time. It seems like they all just want to get drunk and hook up which is not what I’m looking for. Are there guys out there that are not like this—but still know how to have fun? If so, how do I find them? -Sober at Syracuse
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There are certainly guys out there…It’s just going to be one helluva struggle to find them. College is a place where guys are encouraged to act out all of their Will Ferrell-type frat-boy fantasies—think girls rolling in mud, fantasy football leagues, beer pong tourneys and vast amounts of pukage—so if you’re dead-set on finding a dude uninterested in that kind of awesome moronic activity, I’d suggest heading over to college-sponsored events. Depending on the type of school you attend, events like mixers or school-sponsored concerts, dating auctions, etc. are a good place to find guys who may be just as unenthused with frat parties as you are. There won’t be any alcohol if it’s an undergrad event and the people there will be the ones you’re looking for. Meaning, college coeds that don’t need a Natty Ice for a good time. If you aren’t interested in your run-of-the-mill college coed, check out local watering holes off campus and alumni events to test the waters wither an older relationship. Now go! Go forth my dear, Sober friend!
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The guy I’m dating isn’t very creative in bed. All we ever do is missionary, and there isn’t much foreplay, and it is pretty boring. I feel like usually the guy is the one to initiate making things crazier in bed, but I’m finding that I have to. What’s the deal here? Is he not that into me so that’s why he’s not that into the sex? Or has he just never had good sex before? I’m just confused why a guy would be like this in bed! – Underwhelmed at Oneonta
My dear friend that is quite the closeted view you’re taking!! Why should we men be forced to be the “creative” ones?? Take the initiative! My best advice is to quit this waiting for your dude to man-up and open his Internet browser, and beat him to the punch. Have you ever looked at porn? No? Change that. As grotesque, jarring and humorous as porn can be (to most girls, at least), it definitely offers a good view at adventurous, non-vanilla type carnal escapades. Give it a whirl and see what Google dredges up. And, since you’re the unsatisfied one underneath the sheets, YOU whip your man into sexual shape. You obviously don’t want to hurt said guy’s feelings, so keep it casual. Don’t have some grand discussion on his lackluster bedroom performance. Rather, in the midst of your bedroom tussle, flip him over and tell him you want to try something you saw online. If porn ain’t your thing, check out one of those nifty “Position of the Day” calendars. I’d venture a guess that he won’t turn you down. Remember, he may be just as frustrated as you, so don’t be hesitant to take the initiative and surprise him with your own sexual prowess.
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For the past three weeks I’ve been hooking up with this guy on weekends, and occasionally staying over at his place on weeknights. The weird thing is, we’ve never had sex, although I think we’re slowly building up to it (I hope!). Mostly it’s just foreplay and cuddling. But what really weirds me out is he never makes an effort to see me outside his place (like get dinner together or something). What is this guy’s deal? No sex AND no dating? Why is he still texting me??? I don’t know whether to list him under “yummy f**k buddy” or “potential love interest”, HELP! – Confused at Carolina
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That’s an extraordinarily confusing little pickle you have found yourself in my friend. Ordinarily the “no sex!” would be a tip-off to your potentially lackluster gaydar. But as he isn’t making any effort to see you outside of the love-cave bedroom, I’d suggest filing this one under a “yummy f**k buddy-with no balls.” If you’re DTF with this particular hybrid of masculinity, I suggest hopping on top of him next time you’re spending the night and be 100 percent honest. Say you aren’t looking for anything he doesn’t want, but that the waiting is driving you crazy. Pending his response, you should have your answer pretty quickly. You suggest, with the “I hope!” that you would love for this said relationship of sorts to flourish into something more…Therefore, your first move should be to make sure that that’s exactly what you want. Once you’ve decided that, take the initiative! Test the relationship waters with casual dates, try out a new dive bar or check out a movie. The weather’s getting warmer, so grab an ice cream and take a walk. Don’t put too much pressure on it as you may find yourself even more confused than before.
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