There’s more to abstinence than saying “no” to sex. It is a sexual lifestyle that requires thought and focus from its followers, and amidst the pros and cons it can be a little fun too.
Being abstinent does not eliminate the sexual, sensual side of human beings that is completely natural, according to University Health Center sexual health coordinator Jenna Beckwith. “There are other activities where you can show affection and show intimacy in somewhat of a sexual way without intercourse and without that risk,” noted Beckwith.
Her recommendations ranged from non-sexual, yet enjoyable activities such as road trips or cooking together to extremely sensual acts, like taking baths together or exchanging massages.
When choosing abstinence, it is important to first and foremost communicate. Everyone defines abstinence in his or her own way: some couples touch each other, while others merely kiss. Selecting a definition and standards that work best for each individual in the relationship enhances the chances for long-term success and benefits.
“I have a girlfriend, so we kiss but it doesn’t go any further than that. I’m not touching her butt and we’re not groping each other, and that absolutely means no oral or anything really sexual,” explained UMD senior American studies major David Hinton.
“I did work my way to that point though,” Hinton elaborated. “I’ve been with girls where we’ve done more than that. We’ve decided that it’s too much because it gets you to a point of wanting to go further.”
“There’s a tip that can help abstinence be successful if that’s what you’re choosing to do, and that’s talking often,” stated Beckwith. “Communication is one of the best skills that young people and adults can have, in general, when it comes to their sexual health and responsibility, and it’s no different when it comes to abstinence.”
Abstinence requires work, but it does offer rewards. It is 100 percent effective, if no penetration occurs, in preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections with zero side effects, according to Planned Parenthood’s website. Check out even more information on abstinence here.
Other benefits include: time to heal after a negative sexual experience or assault; a chance to build a relationship in other ways and to concentrate on getting to know the other person; a decrease in stress and an increase in emotional well-being and enhanced focus on academics.
“Another pro is this psychological wellness and feeling by avoiding some of these: ‘I don’t feel great about that decision,’ or ‘I regret that and now I’m embarrassed because I see this person all the time,’” commented Beckwith.
“Even though I’m married, my husband understands, I need clarity,” asserted UMD senior American studies major J’aime Elskoedrayton. “Sex sometimes, I don’t know if it’s the hormones, but it takes over and I need to focus on what I have to do.”
With the pros come some cons, and that rings true with abstinence. Flawed communication can produce a muddled definition that does not please each partner in the relationship, or a failure to explain when wants change. The biggest con, however, is a lack of education in the realm of sexual health that leaves people unprepared when sexual acts become an option.
“A lot of times people say, ‘Well, I’m gonna be abstinent and I’m not gonna have sex until I’m married, so I don’t need to be prepared,’” stated Beckwith. “A lot of these cons can be eliminated if we’re just educating everyone.”
Be ready to think and speak your thoughts when choosing an abstinent sexual lifestyle, and be open to education for the future. Most importantly, never forget that human beings are sexual beings and abstinence doesn’t change that.