Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
I have been hanging out with this guy and I think he’s really cool, but I get a very strong feeling that he wants to be more than friends. He is constantly complimenting me saying “you’re so pretty and funny” or “you’re so cute” and he touches my shoulder a lot. I really have no feelings for him, but he is really interesting and a lot of fun to hang out with… Basically is it realistic to continue to be friends with him? The thing is, I don’t want to lead him on and hurt him in the end. Should I outright tell him I’m not interested? How can I do that without messing with our friendship? – Friendly at Florida State
These situations suck. We’ve all been in them. Commend this guy for being somewhat open with his moves, but it obviously isn’t working. Unfortunately, probably the only way that he’ll cut it out is if you tell him you’re not interested.
Will that translate into a continued friendship? I don’t know. Depends on what kind of guy he is. Does he take rejection well? Are his passes just his being really touchy-feely? Is he one of those guys who hits on every girl he meets and bolts when he can’t get into her pants (or date her)?
That’s something that you’ll have to find out. Without doing a fully researched background check into his past, the only thing you can do is tell him you’re not interested. And telling him shouldn’t be over-analyzed. Keep it blunt (something like, “Todd, here’s the thing: I’m not romantically interested in you”) and mention it when he comes onto you. It’d be awkward to just mention your disinterest in regular conversation, so let one of his mannerisms lead you into the discussion.
If he’s as cool as you say he is, he’ll probably accept it and you’ll be free to continue kicking it. If he isn’t, you’ll probably never hear from him again, which you’ll notice when he doesn’t respond to your attempts at striking up a conversation.
Just as he’s made his intentions known, make yours known. This will strike dead any expectations before he gets too into you. That’s the only thing you can really count on and hope that he’ll want to continue being friends.