The Dating Duchess: Valentine’s Day: It’s All About the Hype

Now I don’t mean to be a grump and I’m certainly not one right now.  Valentine’s Day is by far my favorite holiday.  Even if the Duke is out playing golf instead of lounging around naked with me, I still adore February 14^th because I truly love it for the hype.  It has a different kind of hype than Christmas or New Years, your birthday or Thanksgiving, because it’s jam packed with sexual and emotional tension.  I love once February arrives and Target sets up its Valentine’s section with little heart erasers, heart plates and napkins, socks with hearts on them, hearts you can wear on your head, anything your heart desires!  All of a sudden your heart is fluttering and your mind is daydreaming even if you don’t have a boyfriend or an ideal crush.  Valentine’s Day is ultimately about love, love for everyone! I love Valentine’s Day.  And even though its even more over-hyped than Christmas, I say we forgive it and love it anyway.
 
Remember in high school when the cool kids would set up a rose delivery table where you could send your secret crush or your significant other Valentine’s roses?  And you spent hours imagining how you would react if a rose was sent to you anonymously or by your dream guy.  Wasn’t it nice?  Didn’t it make you so happy and cheerful?  Boys probably wonder why girls are so freaking nice and happy the entire month of February.  It’s fine to get sad, angry, or even after February 14^th, but you have to admit that the 13 days of February full of hype, angst, and possibility are like a high that you only get once a year.  Girls, pull out your pink shirts.  Paint your nails red.  It’s almost Valentine’s Day and let’s do what we’ve done for centuries, buy into the hype.
 
Here are some of the best ways to do just that:
 
Remember that “I Hate Valentine’s Day” party Jessica Biel threw in Valentine’s Day, the movie?  After you watch the movie, very closely and go to the gym for a week straight to get Biel’s hot bod, throw an “I Hate Valentine’s Day” party of your own at your favorite Indian restaurant (Sitar anyone?).  It will be so fun and I have no doubt all of your friends will come because if you’re single, your friends probably are too.  Hell, I’ll show up because my Duke is too busy with ibanking interviews anyway. LAME.  Talk about a love killer.  I guess I’ll see the love when he’s making his starting salary.  Whoo whoo.  Anyway, just make sure you cater and decorate as charmingly as Biel did or else that special someone might not come to crash your party and steal your heart.  Oh, and must have a piñata, definitely.
 
If you’re committed like me and your guy wants to participate in Valentine’s festivities, instead of making a big to-do, try doing the thing you guys do best together like cooking or having sex, or both!  I don’t care if you’re really good at fighting or yelling at each other, that’s great or whatever for the make up sex but save that for February 15^th.  My boyfriend and I are going to spend a night in, cooking dinner together and enjoying each other’s company.  As for gifts, we’re doing joint gifts so that we can go out together and find something we can both use and enjoy.  (aka a blender because I love smoothies).  Anyway, try dinner at home, sex on the table after you clean up, and a joint gift.  Happy Valentine’s Day!
 
If you’re single or crushed because your crush has no idea you love him and want to have his children those are no good reasons to be a hater.  Replace your haterade with a Bloody Mary and let’s call it even.  Throw a party, drink to your heart’s content, go to a bar, put yourself out there or get together with your girlfriends and bake valentine’s day cupcakes and ding dong ditch the hot guy in the next yard over.  Like I said, we’re buying into the hype like all women should.  We need to support this holiday because it’s not like the men will keep celebrating it without us.  Also, I’m currently in two Shakespeare classes and let me tell you, that guy had one quivering pen, full of love, angst, and masturbation.  So if you’re really bored and on your 3^rd glass of wine, read some Shakespeare. I recommend Sonnet 116.  And just for your reference replace the word “expense” with “ejaculation” and “spirit” with “semen”.  Now you have all the tools you need to decode Shakespeare.  Also, seeing as I spent my freshman year of high school in an ice cold tent on Valentine’s Day, you can survive through anything. I promise.  It’s just one day.
 
Lastly, remember that the hype about Valentine’s Day comes from that one special chance to say how you really feel.  Go ahead, don’t be ashamed.  Just do it.  If you’re a girl no guy will be able to resist you because let’s be honest, as much as they say they don’t care about Valentine’s Day they’ve already stocked up their fridge with their favorite beer to comfort them when they spend the 14^th sitting alone or with their bros, trying to make it appear as though they don’t even know it’s a special day.  We trained them when they were young to remember Valentine’s Day, back in those days when the entire kindergarten class had to make valentines for everyone.  They know its there.  They feel it.  They’re just scared.  So give them something to do on Valentine’s Day: YOU!
 
If we can convert the men to buy into the Valentine’s hype we can all celebrate this illusion of a holiday happily together forever!  Think of the possibilities and if you’re in a committed relationship like me, you thank god for Valentine’s Day because it gives you a reason to actually put effort into sex.  Amen to that.
 
Photo source: http://www.elledecor.com/files/web/imagecache/pch_gallery_detail/files/web/images/03-Celebrity-interiors-valentines-day.jpg