Q: What do guys really think of Valentine’s Day?
It’s no surprise: guys are hard to read. We’re conditioned to believe we must emulate the ultra-cool indifference of a John Wayne or Brad Pitt, and girls, I’m sure, are often frustrated by our reluctance to share our feelings. At no time during the year is this frustration likely to be more acute than around Valentine’s Day – the holiday oozing emotion. That’s where I, Real Live College Guy Mark Bentley, come in, to give insight into a guy’s thoughts and emotions on the most romantic day of the year. Of course, every guy is different, and stereotypes are never completely accurate, but most guys fit into one of the following three categories: the lover, the bro, or the cynic.
The Lover: The lover obsesses with showing his girl elaborate displays of affection that often border on excessive. He typically feels that the magnitude of his love is proportional to the amount of money and effort he spends on gifts, so girls dating a lover on Valentine’s Day should expect to either be completely swept of their feet or frustratingly one-upped when it comes time for gift giving.
The Bro: The bro secretly loves Valentine’s Day, and not just because he expects gifts of both the chocolate and non-chocolate variety. Bros can be surprisingly sentimental; they love spoiling their girls whenever they can, even if they rarely admit it to their fellow bros out of fear of breaking some unwritten bro-code they neither created, understand, nor condone. Of course, the bro is certainly not the effusive romantic that the lover is, and is often overwhelmed and downright helpless when thinking of gifts for his boo. He is therefore unlikely to procure anything more original than chocolates, dinner, red roses, or anything other than the standard fare of every sappy romantic comedy he’s ever seen (and secretly enjoyed).
The Cynic: The Cynic despises Valentine’s Day, and is all too ready to broadcast his overly-pessimistic grievances the second the chocolate hearts hit the shelves at CVS. His complaints are typically irksome and impressively unoriginal – he will probably utter the words “Hallmark holiday” a few hundred times between Martin Luther King’s birthday and the day he openly refers to as an “exploitive corporate concoction.” However, the cynic rarely has to bother much with Valentine’s Day – he is, unsurprisingly, perpetually alone. This emotional desolation is almost certainly the root of his cynicism. When a cynic actually finds himself in a romantic relationship come February 14th, it’s highly likely that he will transform into a lover once he has experienced the unique joys of love. He will feel compelled to overindulge his lover – which in return provides the former Cynic emotional overindulgence – and often redirects his sarcastic rants towards the very same group of loveless cynics to which he once belonged.
So as you can see, all guys are different. But regardless of whether your guy – or the guy you want to be yours – is a lover, bro, or cynic, he’s almost guaranteed to enjoy Valentine’s Day, even if he’s reluctant to admit it. So as February 14th approaches, don’t dwell on what he thinks of the holiday. Instead dwell on why you care about him. He’ll be doing the same for you.
And no, Mark Bentley is NOT my real name.