We can all agree that college is awesome. It doesn’t matter if you’re a freshman or going into your final semester – each year brings forth a higher level of greatness than the one before. The once all-powerful curfew that dominated high school is no longer and you head home whenever you feel like it. Going to school is more of an option than a requirement. And the Golden Rules change: never be the last walk of shame home in the morning and don’t drunk text excessively (and definitely no double-texting!).
But even though your dorm looks different than your room at home, you’re no longer feasting on mom’s delicious meals, and the workload is much harder, some things are exactly the same as high school. Like that urge to call your best friend when something embarrassing happens to you. Or that feeling that everything would be okay with just one hug from your girlfriend.
Whether you’re at home and all of your girlfriends spread out across the country, or you’re the one who took off, those friendships are still close to your heart. They’re the friends that know every boy that’s broken your heart, every argument you’ve had with your parents, and every goal and aspiration you’ve ever had. They know how funny you were the first time you tried alcohol, how excited you were when you got into college, and how nervous you are about talking to that guy in your Psych class.
But sure enough – despite your best intentions – life gets busy and complicated and those old friendships get pushed to the backburner. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a Skype sesh for your calculus study sesh. Weeks can go by where it feels like you’re drifting farther and farther apart with nothing but the holidays or the occasional Facebook chat to sustain your friendship. We know the feeling – we’ve been there before, too.
The balancing act of maintaining old friends and new friends can be challenging, overwhelming. Even though it’s sad, sometimes one or two friendships fall by the wayside during your journey through college. Now before you start to cry, we’re not saying that every high school friendship is doomed, not in the slightest. This article is a testament to that. One of the authors of this article doesn’t even go here. She isn’t a BC SuperFan or ever a resident of the East Coast. In fact, she’s a student at the University of Washington whose newsfeed is constantly bombarded by her friend’s Her Campus BC article suggestions.
The two of us have been in a long-distance relationship for the past three years. We were so close in high
school: emotionally close in that we could talk about anything and everything, and physically close since we lived just twenty minutes apart. But then, in the blink of an eye, we were suddenly separated by 3,000 miles and three time zones. Since we were now living on opposite ends of the States, one on the West Coast and one on the East Coast, we felt like we were in completely different worlds. One was exploring Boston and adjusting to New England rhetoric, while the other was navigating frat parties and befriending her sorority “Big.” Our lives were on two very different tracks and there wasn’t that much common ground to talk about anymore, except gossiping about kids from high school and reminiscing about all the funny things that happened in math class senior year.
Our friendship could’ve easily ended once the high school chapter of our lives closed. But we’ve both been willing to put in the work, patience, and commitment to make it last. It’s not easy, don’t get us wrong. Texting every day isn’t the same as cuddling during movies or singing in the car together. There are some days where all we want is the comfort of hearing the other’s laugh or getting a huge hug. But we’ve made the best of being long-distance and are somehow closer than we were in high school.
If you feel yourself growing apart from some old best friends, don’t give up! Here are some tips we’ve learned over the years for maintaining long-distance friendships:
- Use every medium at your disposal for communicating: text, phone, Skype, FaceTime, Twitter, Facebook, postal mail, email.
- Even if you don’t have time to talk, a simple “Hey, thinking of you! Have a great day! :)” will do the trick.
- Talk about everything, not just home stuff. It might be hard at first, since they don’t know your other friends or your school’s culture, but they’ll get it eventually.
- Try not to be consumed in your own life. Remember important things going on in your friend’s life – like when she tells you about an upcoming interview, a cute guy she met, or a big test she’s worried about. Check in on her.
- Even though you might be on quarters and semesters, with very different school traditions and cultures, get to know their college life. Know their major and career goals, ask which courses they’re taking and which they love the most. Know the biggest social events and sports rivalries at their school.
- Don’t just call to talk about yourself. It’s okay to call for help or advice, but never hang up without asking how they are, too.
- Be patient. If they haven’t responded to your text in a few hours or they’ve left the Facebook thread untouched for a week, understand that they have a lot going on. It’s not because they don’t care.
- Remember that you’re both growing and changing, constantly learning more about yourself. Try not to be judgmental if your friend isn’t the exact same person she was in high school. Ask questions to understand what’s most important to them now, rather than criticize them or feel betrayed.
- Plan trips to visit each other! Figure out which holidays coincide or when you’re available to stay with them. No better way to see how they’re doing than experiencing it first-hand for yourself!
So you see, some friendships can withstand the distance, and those are the ones you want to hold on to. The friends that understand when you have too much to do, the friends that can make conversation feel natural after going for months without seeing you in person – they’re the keepers. They are the ones that acknowledge the changes and accept them, rather than throwing up their hands and admitting defeat. They are your confidants when your college friends are acting like morons. They’re your bridesmaids at your wedding. They’re your anchors through it all. Cherish those friendships – rare blessings in life – and put in the effort to meet them halfway.
Got some tips of your own for maintaining long-distance friendships? Share with us, we’d love to hear!
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