So, it’s the big day. You’re going to be 21 at midnight. The Gods have allowed you to take just enough Pineapple Burnetts shots to survive, allowing your liver to be somewhat functioning for this magical night. Now, I know you’ve prepared for this night. You’ve spent the past two weeks trying not to drunk eat so you can fit into that dress, your roommate just did your hair, your camera is charged, the chasers have been bought. The time is now. And while I can’t tell you whether Kildares, Kate’s or Grotto’s would be the better fit, I can tell you….
1. Wear underwear. This is not a night to go to commando. You will be dancing, tripping, falling, sliding, and if you’re wearing a skirt or a dress… no one wants to see your Blue Hen, got it girls?
2. Don’t bring out more than $20. Let me rephrase this. You should, at no point in the night, have anything valuable/something you can lose (i.e.: camera, cell phone, dignity…) on you. These should all be entrusted to your best friends. You’re not going to be able to remember tonight, nor are you going to be in the right state of mind to take pictures to help you remember tonight. You will not be in the right state of mind to text anyone, and as far as a late night booty call- let’s be honest. You have a date with the toilet. It’s your 21st birthday. You can have your dignity dried cleaned tomorrow.
3. Hydrate. Drink water before the pregame. Think of it like Michael’s Secret Stuff in Space Jam. It may just be water but it’ll help you go the distance and beat that MonStar of hangover tomorrow morning.
4. Drunk food. If you manage to make it through the night without dying, by god, you deserve a 2100 calorie slice of pizza or DP Dough Calzone.
5. Hair Tie. Ponytail holder. Hair Ribbon. Whatever you want to call it, you’re going to need it. Plus, it makes the perfect accessory for your date with the bathroom floor. Always looking out for you, babygirl.
6. That One Friend. She’s the one telling you that you don’t waste free alcohol. It’s like she’s more excited for your death, erm, 21st birthday than you are. She’ll be the one chanting your name, ordering you the blowjob shot at Grotto’s, all the while making sure you don’t loose your shoes. True friendship. Remember her name, you can blame your hangover (and those facebook pictures) on her tomorrow.
7. That Other Friend. You know the one I’m talking about. The sweetheart that’s going to make sure you somehow don’t forget your name at the bar. She’s also going to be the one that helps make sure you don’t get too white girl wasted at the pregame. She’ll be the one probably carrying you home from Kildare’s. Remember her favorite type of candy; you’ll owe her tomorrow.
You got your babes, you got your booze, and it’s your birthday. YGG.
Photo Credit
1) http://hillywoodinoz.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/21st-bday-cake.jpg