There’s nothing quite like that moment your man wraps his arms around you and kisses you on the forehead. Multiply that feeling by about a million, and that’s the feeling you get from the same gesture after months of separation. Love is never easy, and distance doesn’t make it any easier. I think a lot of the collegiettes reading this can attest to that. But there’s something besides distance that’s ruining relationships more and more these days, and that’s social networks.
Facebook and Twitter are two networks that make communication simple, instantaneous and convenient. Those traits can be especially helpful when trying to maintain a close relationship, yet constant friend requesting from the opposite sex, photo uploading, and tweeting is now showing the opposite effect.
Sophomore at Pitt, Danielle Doubet weighed in on the issue. Her boyfriend goes to school four hours away and the two have kept up the long distance love for over two years now. It wasn’t until the past few months that the two have felt the strain.
“No matter what, it always comes down to the fact that each person has no idea what is going on a regular basis in the other person’s life,” Doubet explains. “When you see a picture, tweet, or a wall post, I instantly question what actually happened or how he knows that girl. It’s definitely jealousy, but Facebook and Twitter throw it in your face. So much so, that it’s hard to ignore.”
A recent study conducted by the University of Guelph in Ontario actually showed that Facebook increases jealousy in users’ romantic relationships. The study was conducted by a Ph.D. student of psychology named Amy Muise and a student colleague, Emily Christofides. It surveyed 308 Facebook users between the ages of 17 and 24 and noted that most said they were aware that poking around their significant other’s Facebook page would increase their jealousy. However, the users also said that they simply couldn’t withstand the temptation.
“It becomes a feedback loop,” Christofides says. “Jealousy leads to increased surveillance of a partner’s Facebook page, which results in further exposure to jealousy-provoking information.”
Let’s face it, ladies: Facebook is not going anywhere anytime soon. The same goes for Twitter. So it’s time to look at how we use the social networks, and how deeply we let them effect our emotions. Here’s a list of 5 must-do’s in your relationship to combat the jealousy that comes from Facebook and Twitter.
1. Use your words.
Chances are that you aren’t the first girl your man has been with. And you’ve probably had a boyfriend in the past. Old tagged photos probably exist. As if it isn’t bad enough to picture your guy with another girl, there’s old pictures of them cheesin’ in front of a Christmas tree from two years ago. It sucks, I understand. But don’t think that men are immune to those same feelings. He may not show it, but an old profile picture of you and an ex doesn’t exactly leave him feeling giddy. Talk about it. It’s fair to ask him to de-tag something that makes you uncomfortable, but before you do, ask yourself ‘why does this picture mean something to me?’ If you really can’t think of any legitimate reason besides the ugly green monster named jealousy, remember who he is in a relationship with right now.
2. Breathe.
Another picture of him, his arm hanging loosely around a pretty girl gets uploaded. Breathe. Take a second and shut the screen. Do not “like” it out of spite. Do not comment on it angrily. First, you’re too good to be the crazy girlfriend that his friends nag him about. Second, a picture might say a thousand words, but it doesn’t always tell the real story. Give yourself a day to mull over whatever popped up on your news feed, and if the next day you still feel like it’s something to bring up, do it. Don’t be vengeful, be reasonable. Maybe casually ask who the girl is because you never met her on any of your visits to his school. Keeping it casual before freaking out is always best. Overreacting can send off red flags to guys that you don’t trust them, and that will just create a huge rift between you both.
3. Portion control.
No but seriously. Do you find yourself on Facebook 24/7? Are you constantly updating your timeline on Twitter? I get it. I’m guilty, too. So limit yourself, not only on the amount of time spent creeping (just think of the things you could get done!), but also how much you type your boyfriend’s name into your search bar. Think about it this way, while you’re stalking his cyber-life, he’s out living his actual life. Do the same thing. You’re making yourself crazy for no reason at all! Create boundaries for yourself on how often you creep, and as time goes by I promise it will become easier.
4. Hit the Unfollow.
Radical idea, right? Think about it, though. You already have this special bond with this person that no one else can compare to. Who he tweets to is probably as meaningful as a kiss from his mom. But we’re girls, and we overanalyze everything (or maybe that’s just me?). So just don’t follow him. Explain to him that you don’t need to see every one of his thought bubbles posted all over Twitter. You care about him, but he has his own life and so do you. It’s okay to keep some things separate, ladies!
5. Cut your losses!
Ladies, take a step back for a second- why are you creeping on your boyfriend so much to begin with?! Call him, text him. Heck, naked skype him. But at a point it’s time to survey the relationship. If you feel like you need to keep tabs on your man through social networks, is he even worth your time? It’s easier said than done because we can’t help who we fall for, but an honest and healthy relationship shouldn’t have to be scrutinized on the computer. Ditch the loser and find some guy who wouldn’t ever give you a reason to be jealous.