Beating the Green Beast: Controlling Jealousy Within Your Relationships

Think about the biggest turn off in a relationship. Most of us will say that jealously is pretty high on the list and is definitely a big no-no. So why is it that we are often faced with our own little green monsters of envy when our boyfriend is chatting up that cute girl that lives down the hall or your best friend gets a better grade on a test? How do we control this?

 Maybe we believe that jealously is always caused by external factors, such as overhearing someone mention how successful a friend is and lacking to mention anything about you.  However, it is really quite the opposite. Jealously always steams from something internal. Often times this internal factor is low self-esteem. When you are feeling bad about yourself, it changes the way you see things on the outside. A simple comment from your boyfriend about a girl in his Chemistry class can get twisted into, he likes her better than me. But, the good news is that since Jealous is 100% internal that means that you have the power to stop it in its track.

The first step to getting rid of jealously is to recognize where it is coming from. Are you secretly afraid that you’re not good enough for your significant other? Do you think that you’re not smart enough, so constant praises about your friends good grades upset you? If this is the case, stop focusing on everyone’s successes and focus on your own. Make a list of all the things you’ve accomplished, including the little things like finishing that last mile on the treadmill when you really wanted to quit. Before you know it you’ll start realizing that your boyfriend is lucky to have you and you are in fact just as smart and successful as anyone else in your life. Building up confidence may take time, so it is important to remain positive.

In the mean time, here’s a quick fix for beating jealously: Never let ‘em see you mad. When you feel jealously taking over, sometimes the best thing to do is hold your tongue. Vocalizing your jealousy can just add external conflict to the problem, which can just prolong the terrible situation. That being said, if you feel like a friend or significant other is doing things just to make you jealous, then it is important to talk about it with them and come up with a solution. Just make sure that you’re thinking rationally when you make that decision.

Overcoming jealously can definitely be a struggle, but with positive thinking and rationality it is easy to control you envious feelings. Once you stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on all of your great qualities you’ll begin to realize how wonderful you really are.