Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
One of my best guy friends and I had gotten really flirty. We hooked up one night and he told me that he really liked me, but I really didn’t feel there was a lot of chemistry (you know how you can kiss someone you think you like and then realize you don’t? Yeah.). However, the next thing I know, he’s dating someone else (who he has told me previously that he doesn’t like) and refuses to talk to me. If this was just a random, I’d be over it, but it’s a good friend of mine. How can I approach the situation? I’d still like to be friends and, since he’s dating someone new, that shouldn’t be an issue. — Just Looking for Friendship at Florida State
Well, he’s dating someone new because you rejected him. Think about it: what’s the best way to throw it back into someone’s face that you’re “over” him/her (even though you really aren’t)? Picking up someone new.
He even told you previously that he didn’t like your friend. While you can’t write off his feelings based on something he said in passing, the quick rebound girlfriend doesn’t scream “true love.” It’s a little bit odd.
This sort of behavior—trying to evoke jealousy from a former fling—occurs with a lot of guys. Trust me: I know from firsthand experience, and it never works.
Since I’ve been just as immature as your guy friend, I’ll position your approach from how I would’ve liked a former interest to have approached me: sit me down and explain to me that a) you misjudged our chemistry, b) my behavior upsets you, c) you still think I’m a great guy, and d) you’d still like to be friends.
Give him the pros and the cons of the situation. He needs to know the cons (points a and b) because you shouldn’t sugarcoat his behavior or beat around the bush. However, he’s fragile, as evidenced by his avoiding you and picking up this new girlfriend. So tell him that his behavior upsets you because you still want to remain friends.
But you need to meet with him about it. The location, time and setting can be anything, but, from personal experience, discussing your feelings in a bar after drinking for five hours together doesn’t work. As long as you two are sober and you follow the guidelines, you should come to an understanding.