Need Dr. Drew relationship advice but don’t have the sensationalistic drama to warrant TV time? Unfortunately, Real Live College Guy Ryan isn’t a reality show therapist. However, he can provide the lowdown on everything you’ve ever wanted to know about college males: how they think, act, speak and genuinely interact with the women in their lives.
I suspected my boyfriend was cheating on me and broke into his Facebook (I know). I didn’t find any evidence that he was cheating, but there were a lot of inappropriate messages. He said things like “I wish I didn’t have a girlfriend.” I have no idea how to confront him about this.— Burned by Facebook at Fordham
You could leave him a witty message in his inbox, but that’s too passive-aggressive. You need to go for the jugular in this instance since you already took it upon yourself to dig. Might as well go out with a contained bang, right?
Now, let’s get this out of the way: he’s not going to take your snooping well. Consider if he rifled through your purse for your phone to scan text messages. You’d be pissed, and rightly so. If you’re going to confront him about his questionable messages, then expect the worst.
With that in mind consider the relationship itself. He’s mentioned that “he wished he didn’t have a girlfriend,” so a) do you care what he thinks about your breaking and entering, and b) is continuing to date him worth the stress of knowing he wishes he were with someone else?
Next time you’re in a private setting, let him know that you’re worried about his cheating. If you’re feeling adventurous, let him know that you looked at his Facebook inbox (without using detonators like “broke in”). Again, informing him won’t prevent a fight (hence the private setting), but at least you’re getting it off your chest. Make sure to choose your words carefully and stay calm when letting him know. He could surprise you and not blow up, but stand your ground if he does.
You’re in a tough spot. You’re damned if you do confront him or damned if you don’t. From my perspective (and this is obviously without taking into consideration that you probably still like your boyfriend) you should say to Hell with him. Then again, it’s best to keep a cool head when addressing the situation if you’re to salvage anything—just make sure you speak up in the first place.