Desperately trying to understand the inscrutable mind of the college male? Real Live College Guy Joel (replete with a name way cooler than those of RLCGs Joe and Joey) is here to help you out, call you out, write you a poem to show you’re great and to stop worrying, etc. From major emotional drama to the minutiae of social interaction, use him as your one-stop shop for guy advice.
I’m a pretty athletic, outdoorsy girl and can bro-out like no other, but also love to clean up after a long camping weekend and get all dolled up to go out with my girls. I’ve recently started “seeing” this cool guy who I’ve been hiking and mountain biking with pretty often, but I’m afraid of being bro-zoned (girl equivalent of friend-zone?). What should I do? – On the Brink of the Bro-Zone
On the Brink of the Bro-Zone,
I wouldn’t be too worried, if you watch yourself. In fact, it’s pretty cool that you can pull off both the girly and the outdoorsy stuff. It makes you distinctive. The average guy would find you down to earth and relatable; girls totally comfortable in their own skin are the most attractive. But be sure that you aren’t overdoing it when you say you “can bro out like no other.” To be athletic and not girlishly sensitive is one thing, but make sure you aren’t hurling profanity-laced insults at the guys or wrestling with them (it happens). It may help to invite girl friends to go with so that guys know you have lots of female friends. I’m not saying try to act more effeminate – if you can outrace the guys on a mountain bike you should – just don’t make a conscious effort to act like a dude.
To avoid being “bro-zoned,” make sure that guys see you in both environments. Make sure that the guys who see you covered in mud on a mountain see you out at night pulling off wearing heels, or at least “dolled up,” like you mentioned. People have a natural impulse to put labels on others; by seeing you in drastically different environments, they won’t do this. With this guy in particular, make sure you’re alternating between the outdoorsy stuff and more conventional one-on-one dates. You should be doing something involving dressing nice and holding hands as often as something involving tennis shoes. I’m sure you look great in tennis shoes, but you do need to affirm that you are a cute girl who wants a guy who will treat her as such. If all he suggests for things to do together are outdoor activities, don’t be afraid to suggest a casual movie or even dinner instead. I think this guy will find it attractive that you enjoy diverse things, but he has to see you in both of these lights so that he doesn’t start to think of you as simply one of the guys.