Dating at Yale is anything but easy. Many of us come out of high school hoping to have a boyfriend in college at one point or another. After three years and a few months spent at Yale, I can say that those expectations are quite high. We’re all busy and young, and there’s just so much to do and not enough time. Most of us are also inexperienced with romance, and so the exposure to Yale’s “hookup culture” can be overwhelming.
As a senior, my advice to all of you Yale girls is:
Take things slow. You see a cutie in class or meet someone at a party and sparks are already flying. But do you really like this person for his/her values and personality? Have you spent enough time with this person to figure each other out? We all dream of having a college relationship, but please, please don’t rush into it. Also, timing is really important—do you want to spend a part of your four years here dedicated to someone else rather than yourself? Evaluate (but don’t overanalyze and obsess!) your relationships from time to time.
It’s normal to not be in a relationship. I genuinely believe that college is a time of introspection and working on your strengths and weaknesses. You could happen to meet someone cool and nice enough you’d want to date, but for most of us it isn’t a top priority (no matter how much we may tell ourselves). A lot of us are awkward and inexperienced. Not to mention immature! So when a guy pulls some d-bag move on you, remember to have self-respect and just realize he doesn’t know any better. Don’t take it too personally and understand that college is a maturing and learning experience for everyone.
Communicate, communicate, and communicate. We read so much about “playing the game,” but it saves time and emotion to know what your expectations are. It’ll save a lot of confusion and time, and I promise that in the long run you’ll be much happier because you have a clear idea of what’s going on. When I dated someone last semester, it was honestly the most stressful and strained experience because I was using so much time second-guessing what he thought, and it drove me nuts. We were both too scared to discuss what we were, and I didn’t even feel like we were dating. In the end we finally talked—and we wondered why we hadn’t communicated sooner!Â