Whether we’re giving or receiving it, Collegiettes love few things more than we love advice. It’s a part of young female culture – we seek out magazines, quizzes, and horoscopes to help us decode the cryptic events of our daily lives. We read other people’s ideas on how to feel sexy, how to revamp our wardrobes for less, and even how to love ourselves after a breakup. While these things may seem trivial, they have real value to the female psyche. And lets be serious – nothing causes women more strife, more confusion, more utter angst than the opposite sex. I mean, honestly, how much of your college life have you spent talking about boys with your friends? We obsess over boys because we care what they think about us; we value their opinions about us more than our friends’, our professors’, and even our parents’. We want to be a romantic interest. We want to be the object of some bro’s affection, and we spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to make it happen. We rip through issues of Cosmo while cranking away on our ellipticals, desperate to find out “What Turns Him On,” “Why He Cheated,” and “How to Get Him – And Keep Him.”
Many advice columns – those on the blessed HerCampus, included – seek out male opinions about relationships and dating. After all, any girl can have an opinion on how to hold onto a man, but a guy is more likely to tell it like it is, without avoiding issues that might provoke female insecurities. Anyone who knows me knows I like it when people are blunt. I crave honesty; I want impartiality. So my eyes are always drawn to the quotation made by Joe, 24, who wants a girl who can laugh at herself. “Alright, okay,” I often think, “I need to be able to laugh at myself, dually noted.” But that’s about it. Reading article after article, I am left feeling like all a guy wants is a confident, supportive, sports-loving, girl who is good in the sack – basically a guy friend they can have sex with. I know I could pull off the whole Andy thing from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and act like an emotional girl but, in real life, actually love to eat hamburgers and watch basketball, but in the end, articles in which guys weigh in always leave me feeling like shit. So here are some of guys’ most typical explanations of what they want in a girlfriend, and why these comments put a bad taste in my mouth.
“Is able to hold a conversation”
I see this time and time again in magazines, but let be serious – since when can girls not hold conversations? Are we mutes? Do boys really think that most girls have absolutely nothing to say to them? What about the fact that a conversation is a two-way street? Is it really that exceptional of a quality that it needs to be on a list? Maybe you, boys, should consider taking more time to learn how to talk to girls.
“Doesn’t act bored all the time”
The funny thing about boredom is that it usually happens when people aren’t being entertained. So maybe think of a few funny stories, or compliments, or something to say to girls so that we don’t seem so horribly bored. I didn’t realize that girls were required to find everything boys say to be interesting.
“Isn’t clingy”
This is probably the most frequently repeated piece of advice. Boys often follow it up by saying that by not being clingy, a girl shows you that she trusts you. Girls spend a lot of time worrying about being clingy. We know that our feelings sometimes get in the way, and it’s soooo embarrassing to have feelings! (Actually, though). But who decided what it means to be clingy? Men are allowed to call women clingy, but we’re not allowed to say that we would like for them to be more straightforward with us, or to be more open to discussing relationships.
I’m not saying that all guys are sexist, emotionless, or inarticulate, but most of them don’t understand just how strong a pressure our society places on us to act according to guys’ expectations. What boys end up saying in these columns is in no way empowering to women, and it doesn’t even hold true a lot of the time. They act as though femininity is just the absence of masculine qualities, when really there is so much more to it than that. Do you honestly think that Joe DiMaggio liked Marilyn Monroe because she sat around with all of his bros and listened to him talk about baseball? No. He liked her because she acted like a girl, had really big boobs, and was complicated and interesting. So as much as we may want to listen to what guys have to say on these subjects, they simply don’t possess the female ability to talk about these things. As the dominant gender, they feed us a million confusing double standards that we have to navigate. But when they weigh in… well, it always sounds kind of stupid and mildly sexist. So what’s my advice? Do what feels right, and take the advice that resonates with you. Or, do what I do, and only read the magazine articles that have to do with Prince William or food.
Photos courtesy of: freelanceswitch.com, womanaroundtown.com, goodenoughmother.com