He Said, She Said: Is there such thing as “sexting” etiquette?

There are two sides to every story. In the He Said, She Said column, two UNC students, one male, one female, offer advice based on questions received from our collegiette readers. To submit a question, fill out the Submit Story Idea form on our website. 

I have been texting this guy for a while, and things are getting pretty hot and heavy. The only problem is, I don’t know if I am ready to do some of things we have (ahem) discussed over text message. He invited me to hang out with him Friday night, and I am worried that he will expect more than I am comfortable doing. What should I do? 

-Textual Attraction

She said: 

Dear Textual Attraction,

If you can’t walk to the walk, you probably shouldn’t talk the talk.

I understand that it is hard (no pun intended) when a guy is texting you sweet nothings throughout the night and in efforts not to lose the conversation – you play along. But picture the other end of the phone line; he has no idea. Poor, desperate sexter-man, has absolutely no idea that you’re “not that kind of girl” or “not ready.” In fact, he probably thinks you’re as easy as the Staples button.

I understand the suspense of waiting for your phone to ding is almost as thrilling as the acts themselves. Still, I don’t have a ton of sympathy for you. I don’t blame the guy for thinking he’s going to start his weekend with a little action.  

I hereby deem you: a tease.

In general, I just wouldn’t recommend having these (ahem) discussions over text messages. What if he’s reading your every word out to his friends? What if he’s sharing them on his fraternity list serv?

As I’ve said before, the immediate attention and satisfaction you are getting from dirty texting this boy is just not worth the consequences. I would recommend either being honest now, or canceling your Friday night plans, or both. Just don’t be surprised when he feels shot down. Because of your current messages, he does expect more than you’re comfortable with.

It sounds like your text message conversations may take a new turn from here …

She said,

HCXO

He said:

Dear Textual Attraction,

Sounds to me like you shouldn’t have taken the textual relationship to the level that it has escalated to if you aren’t ready to seal the deal.

If I were the virtual guy you are talking about, I would be really pissed if we finally met and I thought that our culmination of sexy texts equaled one big flop. Why would I waste my time with that?

Step 1: Let this guy know that you aren’t going to follow through before you meet. Trust me, it will save you the in-person embarrassment.

Step 2: If he doesn’t respond, it’s pretty safe to say that he was looking for one thing — and now we both know what that something is.

On the off chance that he says that everything’s OK — and sincerely means it — maybe he was going a little overboard with the texting as well. In this situation, you two actually stand a chance because he is obviously a nice guy and maybe he’ll sweep you off your feet or something.

But chances are that he won’t be interested.

On the other hand, don’t totally judge him without meeting him in person. That is equally as cruel on your part. Have an honest conversation when you meet him and feel him out before you make any declarative statements.

Moral of the story: “Think before you text.”

HCXO,

He said