So, in the event that the world doesn’t actually end as expected come Dec. 21 (theme party, anyone?), we will all unfortunately have to brace ourselves for yet another anticlimactic New Year’s celebration. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good reason to get red carpet ready and obsess over finding the not-too-sparkly-but-still-festive-enough-dress as much as the next girl. But let’s face the facts: despite all of the hype, the fantastical build up, and the articles that will help you plan the perfect ball drop bash or map out your resolutions that this year will be attainable (insert procrastinator’s excuse here) – New Years just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Remember the first time you wanted a toy really badly and saw it advertized on TV about half a million times in between Rugrats reruns, so you badgered your mom until she finally got it for you just to shut you up? Once you got it, the packaging was physically indestructible, it didn’t do any of the fun things it did when the kids in the commercial played with it, and you were left feeling cheated, bored and deflated. Well, maybe that was a wordy analogy, but my friend, that less than pristine toy is the metaphorical equivalent to New Years. You always anticipate the best, but it finds a way to let you down (cue the frenzy to find that perfect candidate for your midnight kiss).
Now I know what you’re thinking: but it always looks like so much fun in the movies! And well, darn it, it is just supposed to be the holiday that delivers! But if we really take a second to look at the expectations we have for this night of broken dreams, maybe we’d feel a little less blue when our plans don’t perfectly align like all of our horoscopes promised they would. Take the movie conveniently titled, New Years Eve. This estrogen infused chick flick was packed with more celebrity cameos than an episode of Dancing With The Stars and offered up the most glorified, shiniest, delusional version of this night than possibly anything I’ve ever seen. It will have you convinced that if you (Leah Michelle) ever happened to get stuck on a broken elevator in a crappy apartment in the middle of NYC, you will end up stranded there with hottie Ashton Kutcher as opposed to that creepy, axe-murderer-looking 65 year old neighbor who always gives you the chills. Naturally you’ll proceed to fall in love, because New Years has that special ability to bring people together when the clock strikes twelve. Also, don’t be too disappointed if Robert DeNiro and Ludacris don’t show up to have a grinding sesh with you on the dance floor. In my experience, it just probably won’t go down like that.
How it might go down, is how Sex and the City’s Miranda spent her night in the first Sex and The City movie… which was alone, babysitting her kid, and eating her feelings with some good ol’ dumplings and fried rice, in front of a depressing television screen of the ball drop. But because I am confident that you have a reliable pack of dedicated friends and a few ounces of determination left in your blood (or in your cocktail) I do not predict such a lonely night of ringing in the new year for you.
No, you my dear, are going to put on the not-too-sparkly-but-still-festive-enough-dress that you wisely borrowed from your best friend, drink champagne you can’t afford, and dance in a room with people you love, whether it’s a crowded hot night club, or around your kitchen table with some pigs in a blanket and your closest confidants. You are not going to anticipate this night to be earth shattering, Hollywood worthy, life-changing material, because you’re smarter than that. But you are going to be happy, you are going to have fun, and you are going to be grateful that you’re lucky enough to have lived another year and have a new one to welcome.
So cheers. Here’s to hoping your New Years is somewhere in between locking lips with Zac Efron in Times Square, and spending a solo take-out night in, though the Chinese food part doesn’t sound half bad to me.
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