100 Reasons Why He Hasn’t Responded To Your Text

You make the decision to send him a text. You find the perfect witty excuse.  You re-write it…twice.  You spend three minutes deciding if an exclamation point is too eager.  You erase and re-enter a smiley face—too desperate? You consult with a girlfriend.  You take a deep breath.  You press ‘send.’  And then he doesn’t respond.
 
There’s nothing worse than an unreciprocated text, it’s the modern-day equivalent of getting stood up (but worse, because it remains in your phone as a constant reminder of your failed flirting).  Before you beat yourself up and vow to cancel your unlimited texting plan, read this list of the of the 100 reasons—the good, the bad, the far-fetched, the fun, and the really depressing—why he hasn’t responded to your text.

1. His phone died
2. There was a family emergency
3. He was just eating something sticky and hasn’t gotten around to washing his hands
4. He’s in jail
5. His phone was stolen
6. He realized his friend likes you, so bro code says he shouldn’t text you back
7. He’s driving
8. He has mono
9. You texted the wrong guy
10. He’s worried his phone is being wiretapped and he doesn’t want to incriminate himself
11. He saved your number as something funny (“Candy the Stripper”) and forgot who it was
12. He forgot to get your number so he doesn’t know who texted him
13. He read the text in his sleep and then thought it was a dream
14. He didn’t get the joke you just made and feels stupid
15. He forgot to pay his phone bill and his account has been cancelled
16. He was really angry and threw his phone against the wall
17. He has the iPhone “drunk dialer app” and he can’t figure out how to unlock his phone
18. He’s not a big texter, he prefers talking on the phone
19. He’s trying to think of something funny to say
20. He is taking a (really long) nap
21. He’s worried you only texted him as a joke or to win a bet (circa every teen movie from the ‘90s)
22. He’s gay
23. He talked to one of your ex-boyfriends who told him you’re a psycho
24. He’s watching a sports game
25. He thought the pimple on your lip was herpes
26. He broke all of his fingers in an arm wrestle
27. He has a girlfriend
28. His jealous ex-girlfriend deleted the text before he saw it
29. He is under the Imperius Curse and has been instructed by Voldemort to ignore you
30. His Mom cancelled the account because he never calls her
31. He left his phone in a public bathroom
32. He’s waiting another hour so he doesn’t look desperate
33. His phone fell out of his pocket in his car and he can’t reach the spot under the seat
34. He heard a rumor about you and is trying to figure out if it’s true before he texts you back
35. He’s bummed you stole his thunder and texted him first
36. He dropped his phone in the toilet
37. He knows you have friends who write for Her Campus and doesn’t want to be on the next Asshole-O-Meter
38. He has an STD…he’s doing you a favor.
39. He decided texting is ruining his social skills so only wants to talk to you in person
40. He’s in class and actually puts his phone on silent
41. He is on a plane to Australia
42. He still can’t figure out how to use T9
43. He’s at the gym
44. His childhood pet just died and he’s too sad to flirt
45. He thought the outfit you wore to the mixer was supposed to be serious
46. He doesn’t like you. (Sorry)
47. He’s stoned
48. He’s stoned and involved in a serious round of Mario Kart
49. He thinks that he texted you back, but he’s currently sexting one of the other 23 Sarah’s in his phone by mistake
50. He lost a bet and isn’t allowed to talk to hot girls for 30 days
51. He doesn’t get service on campus
52. He can’t read
53. He doesn’t speak English
54. He’s still drunk
55. He left his phone in the pocket of his pants, which are now in the laundry
56. He got diagnosed with a particularly painful case of carpel tunnel syndrome
57. He’s a concert pianist who needs to rest his fingers before a big concert
58. He stalked you on Facebook and thought your joke relationship status was real
59. You’re his TA
60. He realized he once hooked up with your sister
61. He’s waiting until 2am so he doesn’t have to talk to you sober
62. He forgot that girls like to text even if we have nothing to say
63. He’s an Orthodox Jew who observes Shabbat—and you texted him on Friday night
64. He’s madly in love with you and doesn’t think he’ll be able to engage in small talk without passionately declaring his feelings.  And that would be weird.
65. You used an obscure emoticon or said “lol”, “u 2,” or “g2g” in your text to him, so he knew it wouldn’t work out
66. He works for the CIA
67. He’s pledging a frat…enough said
68. He doesn’t want you to find out that he’s really 35 and married
69. Because you also emailed, skyped, g-chatted, tweeted, Facebooked, called, and faxed him
70. He’s in love with your best friend
71. He gave up technology for Lent
72. He just got a manicure and doesn’t want to mess it up* (*SEE NUMBER 22)
73. He’s busy
74. He caught you Facebook stalking him in the library
75. He’s texting his sister at the same time and doesn’t want to send the wrong text to the wrong girl (disaster!)
76. He has decided to become Amish since you last spoke
77. He’s broke and assumes texting you will lead to spending money on you
78. He’s taking a vow of silence
79. He heard you’re texting half of his fraternity as well
80. He sobered up
81. He’s at work
82. He’s running a marathon
83. He’s at a movie marathon
84. His phone died and he can’t find the charger
85. He’s considering joining the priesthood
86. He heard you’re actually a classy, nice girl, and he’s not into that
87. He doesn’t want to lead you on
88. He’s with his bros and doesn’t want to be caught “cute” texting
89. He’s involved in an intense game of World of Warcraft (this is not your loss)
90. He’s on the phone with his Mom
91. He doesn’t have a texting plan?
92. His phone is buried under the mountain of laundry he’s waiting to take home over break
93. He’s too busy analyzing the new Kanye West album
94. He thinks you’re out of his league
95. He prefers high school girls
96. Your text didn’t warrant a response
97. He’s in shock
98. He’s having a “guy’s night”
99. He forgot
100. Because it’s only been, like, twenty minutes. Calm the eff down, girl

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• dating
• love
• technology
• texting