6 Signs You’re Just a Hookup
Coming to college, especially Denison, can be a real shocker in the relationship department. In high school, you would meet a cutie in math class, friend each other on Facebook, and two weeks later you were official. In college, everything seems more relaxed, with less emphasis on dating and being in an official relationship. That doesn’t mean that these things don’t exist, it just means they are much harder to find.
Here’s the hard truth: A whole lot of guys in college, but definitely not all, are here to have the best four years of their life and hookup with tons of girls. (At least for their first few years here). No matter how much they text you, flirt, or show up in your room every weekend, they never seem to commit. You may want to be exclusive, or even in a relationship, but nothing is happening. Here are ways you can tell if you are simply a casual hookup.
1. You only see him on the weekends, especially between 12-3 AM. We’ve all received the booty call text at 1:30 AM, begging us to come over. If this is the only time you see him, you’re probably just a hookup. Think about this: if he was truly interested in dating you, or something exclusive, he would want to see you during the week. He would want to grab lunch with you, or study together in the library to get to know you better.
2. You only seem him when he’s intoxicated. Here’s a real test: Have you two hung out sober yet? If not, then he’s still in the hookup phase. He only wants to interact with you when alcohol is involved, which means he’ll probably get something later. Alcohol can be a real personality changer. Some guys are super reserved sober, and become outgoing raging partiers when intoxicated. He should be making some sort of effort to see you outside of class during the week.
3. He doesn’t talk to you in person much. Let’s say you’re filling up your glass with Diet coke in Huffman, and you see your hookup approaching you. If all you get is a simple “hey,” before he darts away, this isn’t a good sign. He’s not interested in carrying a conversation with you for longer than four seconds in front of his peers and fraternity brothers. Do not confuse this with texting! Some guys love to send flirty texts to their hookup during the day/week, but will never acknowledge you in person. Why would you want to be with someone who needs a phone to talk to you?
4. He’s just shady. You two will be hanging out, and he’s constantly on his phone. Sure, it could be a friend, but really, what guy is texting another dude every 2 minutes? You might also notice him consistently tweeting another girl, or liking/posting on Facebook. If this guy wants to keep his game up, he’ll be communicating with multiple girls in case you fall through this weekend. Also, when you guys are together in a group, how does he interact with you? If you find yourself ignored, then find the door out.
5. He doesn’t spend much time with you at parties. If your guy shows no interest in talking to you at a social event, this isn’t a good sign either. He should want to come up to you and talk about your night. He doesn’t have to spend every second with you, but he should make an effort to talk to you with your friends and his before you hit the dance floor. It shouldn’t turn into a game of Where’s Waldo.
6. He’s never mentioned exclusivity. This is a BIG POINT. If you’ve been consistently hooking up with someone for longer than a month or two and he hasn’t mentioned this, than this is a problem. Even though you may be cuddling with him after the party on Friday night, he may have made out with four girls on the dance floor two hours before. This was before he got their numbers, of course. Not only is this unfair to you, but it is super gross. He needs to initiate the conversation, and tell you that you are the only person he is with. If not, then it’s time to bail. If you want something more serious, be up front with him and see where he stands. If he doesn’t tell you that he sees this going anywhere in the near future, then chances are he isn’t interested.
Have you answered yes to any of the following? Then it’s time to dump the player and move on. Sure, some people are looking for a casual, consistent hook up. However, there comes a point when most people want something exclusive, and to be respected. Ladies, if you feel like you’re being played, confront him and ask where he sees this going. If you have any doubts at all, move on. So many people get hurt this way. It’s easy to be led on by a hookup, especially one that texts you constantly, and seems to give you tons of attention on the weekends. Be careful with who you are intimate with, because your emotions can be easily affected. Take control of the situation you’re in, and stand up for yourself, because you deserve to be treated with respect.