At the end of the day, I’m really into myself. I’m basically the most popular kid in school. Everyone wants to say they’ve hung out with me. They keep track of how many times we interact, whether we have a deep, meaningful connection, or if they just use my hot tub on occasion. Sometimes, people even lie to their friends to make it seem like they’re closer to me than they are. They claim to know my deepest secrets, like the purpose of the massage room that’s being built next to the new spin room. I know I’m the coolest simply by virtue of the number of Lulu-clad babes that pass through my doors on the daily. There are also the millions of muscle tee-sporting ex-lax bros trying to relive their glory days on the basketball court. Most of them suck, but I don’t tell them that because not only am I the most popular kid at BC, I’m also the nicest.
Mornings are kind of awkward for me, to be honest. It’s mostly just a lot of hardos and older people who hang out with me before 10 AM. I don’t feel like myself until noon, which is when normal people wake up and things get going. The elliptical girls start ellipticalling, the Venice Beach bros start lifting, and the constant whirring of the one functioning fan upstairs tries its hardest to cool the flailing, drenched bodies on the treadmills. Side note: I know the other fans have had “work order” signs on them since November, but I promise I’ll fix them soon…ish. Do y’all really need oxygen, anyway? I’m just saying- I don’t.
The constant flux of BC biddies and brethren wading through my doors reminds me that, even though I’m kinda nasty and am undoubtedly falling apart, I am indispensable. Call me a dinosaur, call me disgusting (have you ever used one of my bathrooms? LOL don’t), call me ill-equipped to handle the tsunami of workout-obsessed Collegiettes that races to the ellipticals after class, but don’t you dare call me useless. People love me more than the mods; they love me more than Stokes (pure conjecture but, like, I have a diving board so that automatically makes me superior to fake gold elevators).
My favorite part of the day is between 4 and 8 in the evening. These golden hours are my salad days. People hover around treadmills, trying to glare intimidatingly at the token girl who only walks on it in an attempt to get her to give up the dream and let them take over the hamster wheel. Boys lift weights for five minutes then take extensive water breaks. The fencing team fences. Spinning addicts sweat out a day’s worth of calories in under an hour on stationary bikes. Forget the fact that the collection of hundreds of bodies under one poorly-insulated roof makes my insides feel as hot as Hades; for me, this part of the day is heaven. Girls on the treadmill increase their speed to 8.5 miles per hour to impress their crush when they spot him walking up the stairs; boys lift twice their body weight when girls step through the door fresh from Pilates, mats in hand and Lululemon water bottle in tow. It’s beautiful, this meeting ground. It’s like the modern day version of a barn dance, just with more sweat and less fiddle.
By the end of the evening, things chill out for me. After dinner, I like to sit back and relax a little bit. Sometimes, I take the edge off of an especially hard day by turning on the bubbles in my hot tub. I tell myself that the chlorine kills the bacteria that accumulate in it over the course of the day, but the clumps of sand and sediment in the corners of the tub suggests otherwise. If I’m not in a whirlpool mood, I’ll sauna or watch the mirror in the girls’ locker room as Kickboxing B’s check themselves out.
The most important thing here is that I am the Plex. Spend a day with me, and sure, you’ll never be more grateful for your gyms back home. At the same time, though, you’ll realize how thankful you are for me. There’s nowhere else on campus you can find such a beautiful conglomeration of beautifully glistening muscles, pulsing on bikes and weight machines to the beat of my poorly insulated heart.
Photo Sources
1. http://cache.boston.com/bonzai-fba/Globe_Photo/2008/01/25/1201265077_0978.jpg
2. http://i1217.photobucket.com/albums/dd398/hercampusbc/plex.jpg