My obsession with food and sharing meals with friends and family is unparalleled. However, there are a few meals that I cringe at when I think of the prospect of eating them around other people. It’s like World War Three in my mind. I can’t help but be torn! So, here are a few food items that I can’t bear to be witnessed eating.
Sushi
Oh, how I love sushi. Now, when I say sushi, I mean everything on the menu at a sushi restaurant that is fully cooked or fried. (Obviously, my definition of sushi is slightly skewed.) At my favorite sushi restaurant back home, they serve something called the Godzilla Roll, and the name alone should clue you in as to why I can’t eat this around other people. Usually at sushi restaurants, I butcher the proper way to hold chopsticks and clumsily scoop and then throw the morsel into my mouth. Whole. Now, if a girl with a mouth full of a fried ball of rice dunked in soy sauce isn’t appealing, I don’t know what is.
Ribs
I love a good stack of ribs. First off, no forks and knives are needed here meaning I tend to look like a vicious carnivore while ripping the meat off of the bone. I also find that I most resemble a member of the Flintstone clan while consuming this delectable meal. I usually smother them in BBQ sauce making the eating process slightly tricky. Each bite is a fight to the death—with every move you risk the bone slipping through your fingers and with every delicious bite the juice spills down your chin only to be caught by the bib you have manifested with your napkin. You don’t dare put the rib down before all the meat is torn off. Honestly, I don’t know how you could look dainty eating ribs, and if you do, you aren’t eating them correctly.
Go-Gurt
I just have to put this one in here as a throwback to middle school. I couldn’t open a Go-Gurt without getting it all over my shirt, and I would usually suck about half the yogurt out at a time filling my mouth to the brim. Mom, you would think you would have noticed my stain-clad shirts and stopped putting them in my lunchbox.
Any Tall/Messy Sandwich
This could be anything from burgers to Sloppy Joe’s to a pastrami melt. Basically, I mean any sandwich that you get at a traditional deli with the meat stacked a mile high. So, how do I handle this sticky situation you ask? Naturally, I attack the sandwich guns hot and attempt to fit my mouth around the whole thing. Ambitious? Maybe. Manners aside, that’s the only way to eat it.
Bananas
I just feel uncomfortable, okay. I have been reduced to peeling one side and eating it with a fork and knife because I always think someone is judging me.
Hot Dogs
Ok, so I know what you are thinking. But seriously, it can just get messy and awkward to handle, especially when you top it with chili, cheese, onions, and relish. Need I say more?
So, there you have it. But let me remind you, collegiettes, just because I can’t eat these foods around other people does not mean that they are absent from my diet. Maybe just absent from a first date.
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