Question: He’s just not that into you. Is this cut and dry? Do you agree? Are there NO mixed messages? ~*aNONyMoUs*~
He’s just not that into you. Has there ever been a phrase that conjures up greater self-loathing and inquiry? The intricacies of “striking out” are expansive, but luckily for you, I am a pro at it.
There is a multitude of contexts through which this phrase can be examined. It really depends on what you want: a hook-up vs. a relationship. Therefore, it’s best that we talk about each of these concepts separately.
10 Signs That He’s Just Not That Into Hooking Up With You:
1. Bad Prostate: If your target claims to have to piss whenever you are within 5 feet of him, he’s either 85 years old or just not that into hooking up with you.
2. Twitterdiction: If your target checks his phone repeatedly when you are trying to make conversation with him, he’s either a female or just not that into hooking up with you.
3. Early Onset Exhaustion: If your target claims to be tired at 11:30 p.m., he’s either enjoying Mononucleosis (RUN) or just not that into hooking up with you.
4. Wandering Eyes: If your target’s eyes appear to be magnetically attracted to your best friend’s boobs, he’s either consuming too much Iron or just not that into hooking up with you. You should both slap him.
5. Germophobe: If your target is petrified of touching you, he’s either a very lost Howie Mandel or just not that into hooking up with you.
6. BMOC: If your target makes friends with complete strangers the minute you enter the room, he either drinks Dos Equis or is just not that into hooking up with you.
7. Broken Legs: If your target refuses to walk you home or find you a ride, he’s definitely a d**k and just not that into hooking up with you.
8. Broken Wallet: If your target doesn’t want to pour you a drink, it’s not because he’s afraid of that $12 handle of Crystal Palace breaking the bank. It’s because he’s just not that into hooking with you.
9. Waterfalls: if your target is crying, shame on his ex-girlfriend. He’s just not that into anything except Taylor Swift’s “Red” album.
10. Dead: If your target is dead, you have bigger problems on your hands.
If you’re in the business of hooking up with anything bipedal, the key to making somebody “that into you” is simply not showing that you’re “that into him/her.” Everybody likes to work for something, it makes conquest that much sweeter.
Always be careful with hookups. The quickest way to end the night leaning up against a toilet spewing shame is to take a rejection too personally. Remember, this is a hook up we’re talking about. More often than not, whiskey will prevent adequate arousal, regardless.
Banging strangers like a bunny rabbit isn’t you at your best. Maybe he being “just not that into you” is a blessing in disguise.
But, let us not forget our friends who are currently mid-fling with an individual. Resting before them is the crown jewel of commitment: a RELATIONSHIP.
But, will that commitment ever come to fruition…
10 Signs That He’s Just Not That Into Dating You:
1. 4th Meal: If your guy only contacts you to “hang out” after midnight, he’s either in Med School or just not that into dating you.
2. Pitbull: If your guy listens to Pitbull, nobody should be that into dating him. There’s no leeway here. It’s a travesty, really.
3. Truth or Dare: If you can verify that your guy lies to you more than your parents did about reproduction, he’s either a secret agent or just not that into dating you.
4. The Gang: If your guy spends more time with his goon squad than he does breathing, he’s either an anaerobic organism or just not that into dating you.
5. Manners: If your guy doesn’t pay for your meals and hold open doors, he’s either an armless squatter or just not that into dating you.
6. Listen: If your guy tells you he’s just not that into dating you, he’s just not that into dating you. This doesn’t mean “next week I may change my mind” or “I’m just playing coy” or “Yes.” It means “I’m just not that into dating you.”
7. Fisticuffs: If the most miniscule things tick off you or your guy, you are not headed anywhere near a relationship. But, congrats! Your fling makes the Israeli-Palestinian conflict look rational.
8. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: If your guy refuses to acknowledge your existence around friends or family, either you don’t exist or he’s just not that into dating you.
9. Sloppy Seconds: If your guy is doing this exact same thing with a harem of other women, he’s a pimp and you might be employed. Oh yeah, and he’s just not that into dating you.
10. Sex: If your guy thinks your first name is “Sex”, either your parents hate you or he’s just not that into dating you.
In summary, it’s hard to summarize this stuff. It is the farthest thing from clear-cut and occasionally the farthest thing from fair.
Mixed messages are everywhere in the college dating landscape. We are trying to piece together our lives, for goodness’ sake! It’s hard to know what you want in a person when you’re trying to find a career, get involved, or raise a fish.
Relationships and hook ups are fun supplements to your college experience, not the ends to all means. Therefore, don’t let them define you. You’re not getting an education to get married; you are getting an education to be a doctor, a teacher, an engineer, an avant-garde musician, etc.
So, just remember, hormones work a lot like show business. Sometimes, you’re just not what somebody is looking for, and vice-versa. This is no indictment of who you are, but simply an indicator that the disinterested individual is an “asexual sack of s*** who doesn’t deserve [insert rejected individual here].”
I jest, but is that not our first reaction?
Rejection is one of the harshest human experiences. In the course of your lifetime, you will be rejected and it’s very easy to the take the offensive, aforementioned approach.
But, as people, we are not defined by our experiences. We are defined by how we respond to them.
Who knows, respond like a lady, not an axe-murderer, and maybe someone even better will notice. Maybe that even better someone will end up being “that into you.”
B****boii: The Sequel Update: The search continues for the sequel to my beloved B****boii. Great searching and inquiry has led to nothing but dead ends, thus far. You’d be amazed at how inadequate most fish are. The illiteracy rate is astounding. But, worry not. I refuse to settle for anything less than excellence. If a fish doesn’t work out, there are always sharks. Don’t tell ResLife.
Next Week I Answer: “Kyle XY: I have been dating a guy that was a friend for a little while now. What’s a good amount of time to wait before hooking up if you don’t want to make things complicated? Or, when would be a good time to bring it up in conversation? Since we had a friendship before, I want to be careful about this.”
Keep asking questions, guys! If it’s something that would annoy your cat, then it’s perfect for me!
Photo Credits
Thecampuscompanion.com – savvyinsider.com – totalfratmove.com –
Datingserviceguide.com