There is nothing worse than a guy who doesn’t know how to wear pants. Yes, he knows how to pull them up over his legs, fasten a button and jiggle a zipper, but does he actually know how to wear them?
Plain and simple, men need to worry about their own pants before trying to get into ours. It’s trivial, yes, but it can be a serious deal breaker! If he wants to wear the pants in the relationship, they better not be a pair of ill-fitting jorts. There is nothing worse than a pair of jorts. Let alone ill-fitting ones. I’m shuddering as I type this.
Moving on! Collegiettes, we are not stupid. We know that we should not judge a man based on how he covers his lower half. Everyone has a ‘bad pants day’. You know, when everything is dirty except those jeans that give you a camel toe but were $8.50 at Charlotte Russe so you bought them anyway. However, the idea of walking hand in hand with a guy who’s pants hang below his ass is just not on most of our to-do lists. You may want to try and look past the pant trauma, but should you?
This is a guide to what your man’s pants say about him. Disclaimer: you may need to clear your schedule this afternoon to take him shopping for a new wardrobe…or at least half a wardrobe. If not, then I congratulate you on behalf of most other girls on earth who are not so fortunate.
- Khakis
The color compliments just about everyone, and they transfer well from one season to the next as long as the shirts coordinate. They also show that he made an effort to dress up his look a bit. Khakis are keepers as far as we’re concerned.
- Technicolor
Colored bottoms are everywhere right now, and are rooted at the heart of the preppy-boy community. We don’t normally get excited over a man in neon green or orange jeans, but subtle colors in the blue and red families normally work well. This shows that he’s on top of the trends, but doesn’t overdo it.
- Dress Pants
While these have the potential to be the lady-killers of men’s apparel, dress pants can go so wrong so quickly. When a pair fits correctly, they’re beyond flattering. When he picked up the last pair in his size from TJ Maxx? Not so much. Dress pants are reserved for special or corporate occasions, so whether or not he takes the time to fit them correctly says a lot about him.
- Camoflauge
Ugh. So many problems with camo, so little time to elaborate. Nicole, 21, says: “I like camoflauge but it has to be with a black top, and a black top only. Only black goes with it.” If he thinks that camoflauge is a neutral color that coordinates with every shirt in his closet, you may need to slip him an issue of GQ. Because he’s wrong. So wrong. - Skinny Jeans
There IS a difference between skinny jeans and skin-tight jeans. It’s normally a bit uncomfortable to go out with a man whose pants look like they were painted on to his body. If he can’t establish the difference between fitted jeans and flesh-eating jeans, submit his story to “Intervention” ASAP. Skinny jean success tales are rare, but beautiful.
- Designer
Should rappers really be bragging about their True Religion jeans? These can be so flashy and outrageous that they end up lacking masculinity. They’re well made, but it seems that the guy who wears designer jeans want to flaunt their bank accounts. If he goes overboard with brand names, you may need to bring him back to earth.
- Corduroy
If your guy is wearing corduroy’s…and he’s not the teddy bear named Corduroy who we read about in elementary school…you should have a serious talk with him. The awkward texture just makes us want to scream, and not the good kind of scream.
- Sweatpants
It’s more than possible to look good while wearing sweatpants. It’s also more than possible to look like a hobo who robbed the “75% off” rack at Modell’s. If he shows up on a date in these, unless it’s at some kind of field or court, it’s time to schedule your next date at the mall for obvious reasons.
- Saggy
No girl should even have to explain the fault in saggy jeans. Stacy, 20, says: “Baggy jeans are far from okay!” We can either assume that the guy a) can’t afford a belt, b) recently lost 350 pounds and forgot to restock his closet, or c) gets off knowing everyone can see his underwear. Truth is, the more underwear we see now, the less we want to see later.
- Jorts
Whoever decided inventing man-jorts was a good idea owes an apology to every collegiette in the world. Yes it’s ageist, but only young boys and elderly men can pull off the jorts look. Otherwise, as Amanda, 19, says: “JORTS ARE ALWAYS OUT OF THE QUESTION!!!!!!!”. Jen, 20, agrees: “Jorts are the things my nightmares are made of”. These smart ladies don’t put up with jorts, and neither should you.