The Polite Vegetarian: How to Handle 5 Meaty Situations

The hard part of being a vegetarian (or some variation of) generally isn’t withholding from a beefy burger or slab of steak (to you meat lovers out there, veggie burgers are actually quite delicious). It’s dealing with the awkward situations among family, friends, or that date who just ordered you his favorite meal at the restaurant – filet mignon.
 
Here are five social situations where being a vegetarian can be especially rough, and how to handle them politely.
           
Meaty Situation #1: You’re meeting your boyfriend’s parents for the first time only to see his mom has made an all-meat dinner.

One way to avoid this situation ahead of time is to let your boyfriend know (if he hasn’t noticed by now) that you’re a vegetarian. If he’s the least bit courteous, he should pass the information on to his mom, in hopes that she’ll plate up a veggie dish for you.
 
Lizzie Post of the Emily Post Institute suggests taking the call-ahead approach. “It’s perfectly ok for you to call and say, ‘I’m excited to meet you tonight. I’m a vegetarian and I was wondering if there’s a dish I could bring’,” she says.  “Offering to contribute to meet your dietary needs is the best way to make sure you have something to eat.”
 
Patricia Rossi, etiquette coach and author of Everyday Etiquette, reminds us of one more step to be in the clear. “Bring enough to share with everyone,” she says. “People like to try new things, vegetarian or not.”
           
If the dinner is spur-of-the moment, or there’s no time to spill the beans on your eating habits, just smile when she says what’s for dinner.
 
“One of the best things you can do in this situation is snag your sweetie aside and let him know of your predicament,” Post says. “Hopefully he can find you something to eat.”
 
Post says that it’s going to undoubtedly be an uncomfortable situation for you, as well as for his parents once they realize they’ve made meat, with a side of meat. “Make sure you have a positive, gentle attitude,” she says. “Don’t be that person who sneers and says ‘there’s meat in everything?’”
 
As soon as you hear what’s for dinner, try saying, “I’m sorry for not letting you know earlier, but I’m a vegetarian. Would you mind if I just ate (X veggie dish on the table) instead?” If all goes well, they’ll be more than understanding.
 
If you notice all the dishes on the table contain some kind of meat, offer to help with dinner. Say you’re more than happy to make a salad. The mom should be thrilled to have you offer, and you’ll also have food to eat for dinner.
 
Avoid letting his family feel insulted that you’re not eating what they’ve served by acknowledging the situation. Next time, remember to bring a pasta salad just in case.

Meaty Situation #2: Your new date wants to split a meat-based appetizer at a restaurant but you don’t want to seem picky.

It’s important to be able to tell whoever you’re dating or hanging out with about your vegetarianism.
 
“You should not feel awkward or picky at all – this is your diet,” Post says. “Being a vegetarian is a major life choice. It’s better for him to find out now.”
 
Rossi agrees. “You need to be who you are, you don’t want to bend and change your deep-set values and start off on the wrong foot,” she says.
 
So, he wants to order the fried calamari as an appetizer? Try giving him a few other (meat-less) options to choose from. Ask him, “What about either the veggie quesadilla, or the chips and spinach artichoke dip?”
 
Let him know that you’re a vegetarian, but you don’t mind if he orders meat for himself.
 
Since the whole first-date-appetizer thing is a lot more about sharing something than it is about the food, offer to share something else, like a bottle of wine, or an after dinner dessert.

Meaty Situation #3: Your date takes you to a burger place.

If possible, take care of this beforehand. “When the date calls, say ‘I’d love to go out to dinner. I’m a vegetarian, and I know some great places that I’m more than happy to suggest.’” Post says.
 
If it’s too late for that, don’t make a meal out of French fries. Please.
 
“Be sweet. Laugh about the situation,” Post says.
 
The restaurant may have some non-beef item, either on the menu or not. Sometimes these things are kept secret (who knows why?).

If there’s no veggie burger on the menu, they may be able to make you a “grilled cheese,” meaning they put cheese on the hamburger bun. It’ll at least hold you over until you can get home and get some real food.
 
If it’s a new man though, we understand if you feel you have to order something, anything, on the menu. In that case, add a milkshake to that small fry and we’ll count it as a meal.
 
The important piece here: “Don’t be standoffish,” Post says. “Tell him ‘how would you have known? I totally didn’t tell you beforehand.’”
 
Make sure he knows you’re picking the date place next time. Hears to hoping he likes falafel!

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Meaty Situation #4: You’re given a dish at a party and have no idea if there’s meat in it.

Where’s the person who made it? Asking someone is always your best bet for this situation.
 
“If you don’t know the host that well, ask the person you came with, ‘do you know if there’s meat in any of these?’” Post says. “Or, if you’re shy, ask your friend if they wouldn’t mind asking the host.”
 
If you’re up for it, ask the host or hostess directly. Whatever the answer is, “just say ‘okay, thank you for letting me know,’” Post says.
 
You should be able to get some answers. If not, depending on how strict of a vegetarian you are, you may want to steer clear just to be safe. A lot of soups, for example, use a chicken or beef-based broth that you’d never know about unless you asked.
 
If it’s not clear if it has meat in it, just pass it along and wait for the spring rolls to come around instead.
 
Meaty Situation #5: You’re at a fancy event and the plated dish is meat.
If you know beforehand that the meal is meat-based, call ahead and request a vegetarian dish (these days they usually have one, even if you have to specifically ask for it).
 
If this isn’t an option, when the waiter or waitress sets down the plate of steak in front of you, ask politely if they have a vegetarian choice, like pasta, rice, or mixed veggies. If not, they may have either soup or salad to offer you instead.
 
“Do this quietly – don’t make a big fuss out of it,” Post says.
 
Assuming that the event isn’t the American Hunters and Shooters Association Annual Dinner, there will most likely be some kind of vegetable on the same plate as the meat. If you’re desperate, “eat what is not meat on your dish,” Post says.
 
Rather than avoid the food without saying anything, the best way to deal with most of these situations is to just be honest. “You should never feel bad about being a vegetarian,” Post says. “Just take care of these situations discreetly and quietly so as not to disturb other people or call attention to it.”
 
Don’t make others feel bad for being meat eaters. Put it out there in a gentle way and people should be more than happy to remedy with the situation with you.

Sources:
Lizzie Post, The Emily Post Institute
Patricia Rossi, etiquette coach and author of Everyday Etiquette

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