Admit it, many of you have definitely crushed on a superhero before. Whether you’re at a comic con, the movie theater, or just curled up at home with your favorite comic book in your bed, there have always been one or two superheroes who you’ve had a fictional crush on but brushed aside because they’re, well, fictional. And you just can’t do fictional.
But have you ever wondered how your favorite heroes would fare dating-wise in the real world? It’s time to break out your comic books and those classic movies, because the most famous superheroes we know can actually teach us what makes, or breaks, a relationship.
Here, we give you the low-down on the heroes who would make the best boyfriends… and the ones who would be total nightmares.
Superhero Sweethearts
Captain America/Steve Rogers
Who is he?
Steve Rogers saw his life change upon volunteering for Project: Rebirth, a science experiment run by America’s World War II-era military to create superhumans for battle. Desperate to defend his country from the enemy’s evil clutches, Rogers used his new superpowers to infiltrate Johann Schmidt’s base, determined to rip a destructive weapon called the Tesseract from his grasp. His bravery and sense of duty eventually led him to make the ultimate sacrifice: taking himself and an aircraft down into the depths of Antarctica’s waters, all so that the Tesseract would never fall into the wrong hands.
If he were a real-life college guy:
Rogers would be that guy with the assertiveness to face all problems without one single complaint or hesitation. As any one of us who has been in a relationship before can tell you, it can be hard to sit down, admit that there’s an issue with something related to the relationship, and then address it head-on. But as our favorite all-American man has shown time and time again, no challenge or issue is too big or too small for Captain America.
Why he’s dateable:
Say goodbye to those unresolved issues that have undermined great relationships time and time again! While you may not find closure for all of your concerns, you can be sure that Rogers will make sure the vast majority of them have been taken care of and fully resolved. Gotta love those problem-solving, Mr. Fix-It men!
Spiderman/Peter Parker
Who is he?
Spiderman, Spiderman, fights all crime like a spider can. But at heart, Peter Parker is arguably one of the sweetest crime fighters around, with a heart of gold that makes him a phenomenal friend and the best of boyfriends. We melt every time he takes care of Aunt May, swoon every time he shows Mary-Jane (or Gwen Stacy) just how much he loves her, and cheer every time Parker takes Uncle Ben’s last words, “With great power comes great responsibility,” to heart.
If he were a real-life college guy:
Peter Parker would be that beyond sweet boy next door with a strong sense of right and wrong. He’s the guy who’s not afraid to own up to his mistakes if he’s at fault, and he’s definitely not afraid of facing his own evils, as he did with Symbiote, the dark side of his own personality.
Why he’s dateable:
No one is perfect, and Parker doesn’t strive to be. What he does strive to do, however, is to be the best he can possibly be to everyone in his life. And that would include you. It’s not every day you come across someone with this much genuine kindness, compassion, and courage, making Parker the most understanding and patient of boyfriends. Not to mention that swinging from building to building would be one of the best date ideas. Ever.
Thor
Who is he?
This Asgard native can pummel his opponents to pieces and fly through the night to save Earth from alien invaders. He gave Iron Man a run for his money (and cracks in that suit of armor) in The Avengers and has stood up to countless other enemies, defeating them all. Yet beneath that tough exterior lies a soft heart. After his father, Odin, sends him to Earth as a human to teach him about humbleness, Thor learns to love the world around him, motivating him to be a sort of protector of Earth and the cosmos.
If he were a real-life college guy:
Thor would be that intimidating and seemingly serious guy who’s really a softie at heart. Read: that surly jock who inexplicably catches your eye in class or in the dining hall, yet hasn’t said a single word to you. You may have to pry a little bit to get close, but once Thor let’s you in, you may just be talking with one of the most gentle giants you can find.
Why he’s dateable:
Who wouldn’t love a muscled man who could take you to far-off planets that you’ve only dreamed of? Face it, ladies: those astronauts you may have had a crush on in the past are cool, but they’re no match for a kind-hearted, humble demi-god from space.
Daredevil/Matt Murdock
Who is he?
Lawyer by day and Daredevil by night, Matt Murdock was blinded at a young age by a radioactive substance that spilled from a vehicle. What was he doing? Saving a man from being hit by the same car, and thereby sacrificing his sight to preserve another man’s life. Incredibly noble and incredibly brave for a boy who wasn’t yet a teen. Yet in spite of his blindness, Murdock has proven himself to be one of the most fearless crime fighters in the city, earning him the Daredevil nickname.
If he was a real life college guy:
Murdock would be that highly intelligent, composed guy who knows to just let loose once in a while and do something daring, no (bad) pun intended.
Why he’s dateable:
In spite of his blindness, Murdock has proven himself to be incredibly intelligent and resilient, using his heightened senses to battle villains in and around the Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood. What’s more, he doesn’t let his past baggage weigh on him, and we all know that guys who keep their past in the past are so much easier to date. So, so much easier to date. What you have here is an intelligent, sensitive guy who knows how to go about his daily business without too much of a fuss, making for a low-drama relationship that would be stable and sane. Plus, we’re sure that he relies a lot on his hearing, and what collegiette doesn’t love a good listener?
Wolverine/Logan
Who is he?
Wolverine is not only one of the most famous members of the X-Men, but he’s also got arguably the most tragic and intense back-story out of everyone else on this list. His days as a trained war machine may have caused him more than enough inner conflict, but as his decision to join the X-Men shows, Wolverine is a guy who’s willing to put the grief aside to get a fresh new start. In fact, it seems that fresh starts are what Wolverine’s all about. No matter how much horror or tragedy he’s been through, Wolverine is somehow able to push most of it behind him and move on.
If he were a real-life college guy:
Wolverine would be that guy who’s gone through countless tough times, but is always actively trying to keep the past in the past. Ultimately, Wolverine is one of the most humane superheroes in the Marvel world, as he has demonstrated by founding the Jean Grey School for Mutants. On that note, that he’d also be that guy who has never forgotten his first love, but he’s channeled the memories in a positive way to bring the best out of him.
Why he’s dateable:
Come on, he founded a school in honor of a woman he loved to help mutants learn and grow in safety. Need we say more?
[pagebreak]
From Superhero to Super-villain: Superheroes You Should Avoid
Batman/Bruce Wayne
Who is he?
The caped crusader, the Dark Knight, the Batman. He’s seen Gotham and its people at their worst while being forced to use his own enemies’ immoral methods to beat them. The death of Rachel Dawes has left Bruce Wayne grappling for answers while trying to conceal all the pain. He may be one of the coolest superheroes around, but Batman’s also got a list of grievances just as long as that of his accomplishments.
If he were a real-life college guy:
Bruce Wayne would be that guy who spends his day basically brooding. And even if he doesn’t brood, he makes almost no effort to move on or to improve his situation. The sad thing is, he’s actually a really great guy at heart, but he’s having a hard time all the time.
Why you shouldn’t date him, whatever you do:
You’ve been told this time and time again: always avoid the guy with too much baggage. He may be nice, he may be cool, he may be oh-so-cute, but dating a boy whose past continues to haunt him is extremely difficult and can get more than tiresome. Despite all the security (financial and physical, in particular) that he may offer, Bruce Wayne’s past is so full of death, destruction, and inner moral debates that he just can’t get over. What’s more, as the eight-year-old photos of Rachel Dawes that dot Wayne Manor show, he will probably never let any of it go.
Now think about how you’ll have to shoulder all that.
Iron Man/Tony Stark
Who is he?
Genius. Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist. When he’s not any of the four, Tony Stark is Iron Man. With shrapnel buried in his heart, Stark still manages to destroy his enemies with high-tech weaponry that the Stark Industries CEO invented himself. To those who barely know him, Stark can seem callous, careless, and even apathetic to all that’s going on around him. In fact, the only person who Stark really lets in is his assistant, Pepper Potts.
If he were a real-life college guy:
Stark would be that overly cocky guy who’s all “me, me, me!” Think of the Big-Man-on-Campus type, the one who always seems to be surrounded by a gaggle of girls and just loves to hear himself talk (or hear other people talk about him). There may be a point in his life when someone will make him care, but until then he’s going to go on doing whatever he pleases, even if it means jeopardizing potential projects or friendships. He may not mean it, but there will be many a time where his cockiness goes too far.
Why you shouldn’t date him, whatever you do:
Look girls, the guy has described himself as “volatile, self-centered, and [unable to] play well with others.” Stark doesn’t seem to mind it all that much either provided that he gets to do what he wants, which would make trying to compromise with him the most painful relationship experience. Sure, he may care strongly about Pepper, but Pepper’s also had the luck of spending a few years getting into Stark’s mind and building a relationship with him. We probably wouldn’t be so lucky.
Superman/Clark Kent
Who is he?
Clark Kent is the Man of Steel, unable to be defeated by anything except Kryptonite from his home planet. When he isn’t off saving the world with his inhuman strength, Clark Kent works at the Daily Planet and is a smart, savvy, and chill guy with seemingly no faults. Could this be too good to be true, though?
If he were a real-life college guy:
Clark Kent would be that guy who is way too perfect and, as a consequence, kind of… boring. Don’t get us wrong, he’s got a great personality, but the fact that he has no faults is really disconcerting.
Why you shouldn’t date him, whatever you do:
So what’s bad about dating a guy who has no faults? Well, it’s the fact that you could eventually feel as though you’re dating a brick wall. There just doesn’t seem to be a flaw with this guy, but relationships grow when you both learn to see and accommodate each other’s flaws! Kent really is a very, very nice guy, but how long can you put up with a man so perfect that he just isn’t human?
Cyclops/Scott Summers
Who is he?
Alongside Wolverine, Cyclops is another one of the X-Men’s most famous members. After surviving an alien attack while a young boy, years passed by during which Scott Summers suffered from amnesia, unable to remember large parts of his childhood. After escaping from an orphanage, he was taken in by Dr. Charles Xavier, who taught Summers how to control his optic beam. During that time, he fell in love with Jean Grey, Wolverine’s fellow love interest. But here is where the similarities between the two stop…
If he were a real-life college guy:
Cyclops would be that obsessive guy who just can’t get you off of his mind, and not in a sweet way, either. He’s the guy who will over-protect you and smother you until you just want to escape from him, but unless you have destructive powers like Jean Grey did, you probably won’t be able to. Not to mention that he’s incredibly rude and unfriendly towards other guys who he feels could be trying to beat him to you.
Why you shouldn’t date him, whatever you do:
This guy has a jealousy problem. Be prepared to be watched all the time, and should Cyclops’ jealousy ignite as it did towards Wolverine, start running away, because he would have no problem putting that optic beam to good use and blasting one of your best guy friends into smithereens. Now that wouldn’t be cool, would it?
The Hulk/Bruce Banner
Who is he?
Dr. Bruce Banner was a regular scientist until that one fateful day when he shot himself with too many gamma rays from an experiment he was working on. From then on, Dr. Banner wasn’t just Dr. Banner; he was also the Hulk in disguise. Docile, gentle Dr. Banner can now turn into the giant, destructive green humanoid monster at the slightest provocation, allowing him to destroy entire neighborhoods, uncontrolled. He’s the more terrifying version of Dr. Jekyll and Hyde, and not the kind of company you want in a stress-filled place.
If he were a real-life college guy:
The Hulk would be the guy with the split personality. While he may not even necessarily be conscious of what he’s doing, the guy with a double personality can be the kindest to a group of people, but completely turn on others. It’s hard to deal with guys like this, and even harder to date them. He might be the one who’s sweet to you in public but blows up at you in private, and he definitely has some serious anger issues.
Why you shouldn’t date him, whatever you do:
Guys who have anger management problems are a no-go. Guys who have a split personality on top of anger management problems should never be touched, even with a ten-foot pole. With Dr. Banner, a simple argument over one small annoying habit could quickly have you running for your life while your green monster of a boyfriend is tearing down walls to get you. Dr. Banner doesn’t need much provocation to turn him into the Hulk, so realize that he is not well equipped to handle any conflict that arises from being in a relationship.
Do you have experience with your own real-life college guy version of a superhero or a super-villain? Tell us in the comments!