As a freshman in college I just started to figure out who I am. It takes a lot of adjusting to pick the right friends. I have very supportive parents who also parented me as a unit even though they divorced when I was very young. I think coming to school is a harder transition when you have divorced parents. One parent may be more supportive than the other or step-parents may have different opinions that can influence your parent’s opinions. For me, my family was pretty normal. My dad traveled a lot, but he was all about parenting. My mother re-married a guy who is very crafty and quiet. I wasn’t used to that since my dad was so outgoing and awesome.
From what I can remember my mom started dating rather quickly, but when you’re in middle school any dating is too soon. I remember hating him at first just because he wasn’t my dad. I felt like my mom was changing, even though now I think it was me just growing up. I remember dancing in the middle of the room to Van Morrison and Train, but now my mom is into country. She was always so understood, but then my new stepdad come in with different views and opinions. I ask myself now ‘Was she changing?‘ or ‘Was I changing and becoming an unruly teenager?’
I liked them being divorced honestly. My dad lived in New Jersey and I had great friends there. I learned I could double-dip for lunch money and if I ever wanted to do something, I would just ask my dad because he always said yes. I really can’t complain about life growing up.
Then I come to college. The awkward part was my dad started dating. I couldn’t remember a single girlfriend he had growing up. I’m supportive of his dating and encouraged him to find someone who makes him happy.
Little do I know he found someone…
I mean what I say? I encouraged him to date. I doubt I will ever find out who it is, but the idea drives me nuts with curiosity.
Here is the deal: I’ll never know all there is to know about his dating life, and he’ll never know all there is to mine. Humans are complex and too complicated to be understood. So I can choose to approach him with suspicion and curiosity or have an open mind, a dash of optimism, and a heart full of love.
Transitions and change are hard. Even if you don’t agree with everything parents do, they are human too. Divorce is complicated not just for parents, but the children who go through it. College is a place to get away, start fresh, and be who you want to be. The past is meant to guide you, NOT define you.
“Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.” ~ Hugh Mackay
Are your parents going through a divorce? Do you know someone with parents going through a divorce? Check out these helpful websites:
Or visit the Center for Counseling & Human Development on the 3rd floor of Lyle Hall. You can also call them at (717) 872-3122
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