October is my favorite month of the year. I love the cheesy Halloween decorations, the horror movie marathons, and the acceptance that autumn has finally arrived. In the midst of our Pumpkin Spice Lattes and our annual viewing of “Hocus Pocus,” it’s important to recognize that October is also Domestic Violence Awareness month. It’s easy to think of this issue conceptually, as though such horrible things happen far away from our little world at UC Irvine. But relationship abuse happens on our campus, within couples of different sexual orientations, races, and social classes.
In honor of this, here is some information to help you recognize an unhealthy relationship! If we all have a basic understanding of the types, causes, manifestations, and warning signs of abusive behavior, everyone can prevent problems before they escalate and support those who have experienced, or are experiencing, domestic violence.
What qualifies as abuse?
Often, the term “domestic violence” connotes a physical act of abuse between partners. This is only one classification. The definition of domestic violence encompasses any or a combination of physical, sexual, emotional, economic or verbal abuse.
Physical abuse occurs when one partner uses physical force to hurt or endanger the other person. Whether the act seems minor or has only happened once, physical violence is unhealthy within a romantic relationship and is one of the most life-threatening types of abuse. Both assault and battery are serious crimes for which the perpetrator could serve time in jail.
Often, sexual abuse is considered to be a subcategory of physical violence. This can range from sexual assault to sexual pressure. If you have ever had sex simply to get it over with or because saying “no” does not feel like a feasible option, it is possible that there are sexual abusive aspects to your relationship. This term also includes rape and other types of unwanted sexual contact within a romantic partnership. No matter how long two people have been dating, everyone reserves the right to say “no!”
Another common form of domestic violence is emotional abuse. Though this type of violence does not appear in the form of physical wounds, it can be equally as damaging. Emotional abusers aim to degrade their partner’s self-worth to a state where they feel invaluable and completely dependent upon their abuser. This can come in the form of humiliation, isolation from other friends and commitments, threats of violence, threats of suicide if the victim were to ever leave the abuser, and/or denial of their own abusive behaviors.
Verbal abuse is a component of emotional abuse that includes yelling, name-calling, threats, and blame. It is strongly tied with issues of intimidation and dominance within an emotionally violent relationship.
Though not as common on a college campus, economic abuse is also a type of domestic violence. As a form of control, the abuser may withhold money from, monitoring the spending of, or steal from their partner.
How can I tell if my love interest may be violent?
Often times, there are red flags that can tip you off to violent tendencies before they become obvious. Violent people tend to get very serious about the relationships extremely quickly, and can be very charming during the courting stages. As time progresses, abusers will get jealous very easily, begin to isolate their partner from outside connections, blames others for their behaviors, and will reveal their extreme sensitivity to small inconveniences and minor problems. If you or a friend ever feels frightened by their partner, this is a warning sign for further instances to come.
Why wouldn’t one just leave an abusive relationship?
For those who have never been in a violent relationship, the solution seems obvious: just leave your abuser! This is not as easy as it sounds. Often, unhealthy relationships engulf a person’s entire life. As one’s self-worth is degrading through abuse, a person may begin to believe they are nothing without their partner. Despite how they have been hurt, many abuse victims feel a sense of loyalty and love to their partner and blame themselves for any conflict within the relationship. This can result in the person minimizing what has happened to them. And even if the victim understands the gravity of the crimes being committed against them, a lack of understanding from friends or social stigma can become a barrier for reporting abuse. Unhealthy relationships are very complicated, like a web. Once stuck, it becomes difficult to decipher how it is that one was trapped and even more difficult to navigate a way out.
What can I do if I or my friend needs help?
Crisis hotlines can always serve as the first step in figuring out what each unique situation of violence requires. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is (800) 799-SAFE (7233). In an emergency, do not hesitate to call 911. For legal options, the UCI Police Department’s 24-hour line is (949) 824-5223.
At UC Irvine, the Campus Assault Resources and Education (CARE) office is a helpful resource if you are not sure what action to take. CARE also provides counseling and advocacy for those in need. The office is located on the third floor of the Student Center, with hours from 8AM to 5PM, Monday-Friday. The phone number is (949) 824-7273.
This October, the CARE office is also putting on a bunch of events in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, including yoga and a partner’s retreat. For more information, visit care.uci.edu!