A note to readers: This article is written in a way that gives advice to the person whose family is hosting the meal. If you are the one visiting your significant other’s family, just reverse it and make sure that you know the information on the other side. Also, to make writing easier, this is written as a female having a male over for dinner, but it would still apply in any dating scenario.
Whether this is the first time he is meeting your family, spending any real quality time with your family, or this is just his first holiday dinner with your folks, Thanksgiving can leave a person as full of butterflies as it does of turkey and mashed potatoes. However, if you plan in advanced, the only feeling in everyone’s bellies will be contentment and maybe a bit of stretching.
Prepare him:
There is nothing like walking into the lion’s den totally unarmed and unprepared. The more that you can prepare him for this event, the better off everyone will be. No matter how embarrassing they may seem, it will be less embarrassing if you can have a warm, joking conversation about it beforehand than if he finds out on his own in a potentially embarrassing way.
Tell your boyfriend about…
- … your family members’ more curious peculiarities. For example, if your grandfather always yells because he lost his hearing in the war or if your uncle always smells of beef jerky and beer, or even if your little sister tends to talk to her imaginary friends more than people around the table, you may want to tell him.
- … any topics that should be avoided at the dinner table or during the day in general, make sure he knows. The last thing you want to do is let him bring up a sports team or political issue that starts an hour long tangent.
- … what to wear. Simple enough. How formally or casually should he dress for the event?
- Walk him through the day, starting from entering the door all the way to leaving. Do you take your shoes off? Where do you put your jacket? Will you eat right away or watch football first? How formal is dinner? Do you say grace before eating? What about after the meal? Etc.
- … if he should bring anything. Some families may find it a nice gesture for their new guest to bring a dish, dessert, or drink to thanksgiving dinner, while others find it unnecessary or even stepping on the chef’s toes. Know your family and advise him as to what to bring, if anything.
Prepare them:
Just like it will help to inform him of the inner-workings of your family, it will help your family if you prepare them for your extra guest as well.
Talk to your family about…
- … bringing a guest so they prepare the table and food accordingly. If you show up with an unexpected person, it may start the day off with more stress than it needs to.
- … your boyfriend’s idiosyncrasies. Just like it helps him to mentally prepare for all of your family’s weirder habits, it will make them feel better and gives them time to process information like he only wears shorts even in below zero weather, dresses in all leather, or talks in a British accent.
- … his background / general information. Especially if they haven’t met before, it will save some interrogating around the table and maybe avoid bringing up what his deceased mother does for a living or how his imprisoned brother is doing.
Prepare yourself:
           If you are a little bit nervous about how the encounter will go, here are some things to keep in mind.
- Think of some things that your boyfriend and members of your family have in common that you can bring up for conversation. If both he and your father like the same sports team or even the same sport, if he is studying something related to one of your parent’s interests, or even if his mother has a similar interest as your mother, any connections can be usable.
- Remember that nothing will be perfect, as holidays never seem to be. Don’t worry if something small goes wrong, most likely you will be the only one that remembers it by the end of the night anyway.
- If he plans on staying over, don’t get upset if your parents plan on him sleeping in a separate room- or the couch- even if you live together normally.
For the entire ordeal, just stay calm and enjoy the time that you get to spend with both your family and your boyfriend. Enjoy when things go well and laugh off the misfires. Most importantly, enjoy your holiday!