The Flatmate Factor

It’s week seven of the semester, the work’s getting tougher, the days are getting shorter and Christmas is fast approaching. If you’ve managed to tear yourself away from essay writing for a good old night of guilty-pleasure TV, you’ll be well aware that the X-Factor is drawing to a close. However, that’s not to say we’re out of competitions, oh no, in fact a new, tougher and more important one is looming. Ladies…I present to you, The Flatmate Factor.

Yes indeed it’s getting to the time of year where discussions of next year’s houses are slipping into usually casual and carefree conversations. An especially intimidating thought for first years, who are picking from a bunch of people they’ve only known for two months. Finding a house and, perhaps even scarier, finding housemates, is an ominous prospect.

But fear not! The Flatmate Factor is here to make such decisions easier, providing you with the average list of contestants you’ll face, and helping you make the decisions that will make sure you don’t become the Louis Walsh of flatmate judges. Don’t let any old geezer with ‘the likeability factor’ live with you. Be tough, be sensible, be Simon Cowell.

Candidate Number 1: The Boyfriend

I know, I know, right now he’s the love of your life. He’s perfect, he’s the one, he’s… not through to boot camp. The boyfriend is that iffy contestant, the Jedward, the one who we allow to get through to the final before realising that actually he should have been kicked off the list ages ago. We all know that if you’re lucky enough to be in a happy relationship then the general principle of ‘the more time together the better’ is the one we follow. This is all well and good…while it lasts. Now I’m no cynic, but I know full well that most people can’t commit to a hair colour for more than a year, never mind a person, and not only that, a person you’d have to see all day every day. Tempting as it may be to let your heart rule your head, surely no girl can avoid that ‘what if’ thought. I’m not saying all relationships are doomed to fail, but I am saying that if the worst does happen I don’t want to be living in the same house as the person making me cry over my oh-so-ironically named Cheerios the morning after the break up. Look at it this way, by not living together you get the sleepovers, the cosy nights, the space when you need it (and you will need it) and the avoidance of him hearing you screech I Will Survive after a few shots of tequila and the realisation that you didn’t like him that much anyway. Don’t tempt fate, by all means let your love blossom, but keep that blossom in separate trees.

Candidate Number 2: The Crush.

Since this is perhaps even more complicated than the boyfriend scenario, I’ve devised an easy to follow flow chart to help you figure this one out.

Don’t just choose to live with someone because you fancy them, because the chances are that someone bearing a striking resemblance to James Franco does not automatically mean they won’t leave hair in the shower and skid marks in the toilet. Looks have nothing to do with being a good house mate…so don’t just pick your housemate because you fancy him! This is Flatmate Factor after all, not Britain’s Next Top Model. If you need more persuading, just remember this; your housemates will see you all the time. This means your housemates will see you at your best. It also means they’ll see you nursing a rotten hangover with your head in the toilet, swearing that it was the kebab, not the tequila, making you vomit and looking like a cross between Alice Cooper and Gollum. Do you really want your crush to see you like this? Next contestant please!

Candidate Number 3: The “I’ll pay you back tomorrow” Friend.

As students we all know that sometimes you have to tighten the purse strings a little. Whether it’s roaming around Tesco at 7pm looking for the yellow sticker I’m-going-out-of-date-today items or walking home in the rain to avoid taxi fares, we’re all on a budget. We all also have the friend who constantly disrupts this budget. Be it by forgetfulness, tightness or general bad manners, we all have the “I’ll pay you back tomorrow” friend; still paying us back tomorrow for the taxi we paid for three months ago. This doesn’t mean they’re a bad friend by any means, and it certainly doesn’t mean that you should avoid living with them altogether, but I would put a big caution sign up on this one. If someone repeatedly ‘forgets’ to pay you back, you have to start wondering whether memory is really the problem. A few quid here and there is bad enough, but can you afford to ‘help someone out’ with their share of the electricity bills this month? If you know someone’s unreliable with money, do something about it, whether it’s collecting money in advance or setting up direct debits, don’t assume people will be as thoughtful towards the finances of others as you are. An IOU for a kebab is one thing, but when the landlord rings asking why the rent hasn’t been paid this month, an IOU will be IOUseless.

When picking your housemates you have to be smart. Simon Cowell doesn’t take any nonsense when it comes to signing recording contracts, so why should you when it comes to signing tenancy ones? The phone lines have closed and the votes are counted and if you don’t make the cut I’m afraid you’re going home. And by that, I’m afraid, I mean not going home with me.

Georgia Bickerton

Image Sources: my own

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