The beauty of a relationship is that the feelings are mutual and it’s exciting, but there are so many occasions where this just isn’t the case, and one person in a friendship wants one thing, and the other, really, doesn’t.
Cue; The ‘Friend-Zone’. The very word sends shivers down many spines. We’ve all been a victim of it at some point, and actually despite the heartbreaks and desperate attepmts to find a way out, plenty of us are actually guilty of putting people in it at some point in our lives.Theres no denying it sucks, and it’s awkward, but unfortunately sometimes it’s unavoidable!
It’s a common fantasy after watching The Notebook, or Bridget Jones, or pretty much ANY rom-com; a man is proclaiming his undying love for you in the pouring rain, and staring adoringly at you with a wildly passionate look in his eyes…
But, now that you’re finally having your moment, it’s nothing like you imagined! In fact it’s just awkward; and actually, pretty uncomfortable.
Because, surprise, surprise, it’s not Ryan Gosling, and it’s not even that guy you’ve secretly fancied for ages, it’s a shock revelation from a trusted friend. And now he and is sat eyes wide, looking a little like a lost puppy, in the awkward silence waiting for your response.
‘… Er, thanks?’
What do you do? You don’t feel the same, but he’s a friend and you don’t want to hurt him, so how do you handle it?
There’s no miracle fix, no easy answer I’m afraid… And trust me, though it may seem like a great idea at the time, running away is NOT a good option here. It’s time to wade through the awkward and attempt sensitivity. The ugly truth is, while you may think it’s uncomfortable for you, it’s worse for them! They’ve just opened up and admitted something very personal, and now it’s all up to you.
Now, be careful, you don’t want to crush him, he’s a friend after all! Remember to be mature; no matter how uncomfortable or shocking (or even funny) you find it, don’t laugh! Also, try not to look or sound too repulsed by the idea.
The key is to be honest, but without being brutal; explain to him that you’re flattered, and that you do like him, (honestly you do, just not in THAT way. And the next time you see him, try act normally, if you make a big deal out of it you’ll end up with a lingering awkward situation on your hands, so just continue being his friend. Play it by ear and remember that he’s bound to be upset, but hopefully he’ll understand.
But one last thing, if you don’t make it clear that you don’t feel the same then you’ll let him go on with a little false hope, which only leaves it open for a repeat performance when he inevitably decides to try again.
The friend-zone isn’t always necessarily a bad thing – sometimes there’s no point trying a relationship that you’re not sure about and risk jeopardizing a good friendship, so the friend-zone is actually a better option. If it’s not meant to be, it won’t be, he’ll understand and move on so that you two can remain friends, but just try to make sure he’s not the friend you drunk-text or casually flirt with anymore!
Photo Credits – canudigitblog.com