Have you ever sat listening to a song in one of those really ‘feeling’ moods, only to discover that the deep emotions you’re experiencing aren’t quite met by the lyrics? Or simply sat, enjoying a beautiful melody, then inwardly grimacing when you suddenly realise what the song is actually about? This article attempts to rumble these masters of lyrical espionage, in order to ruin all these songs you may have previously enjoyed.
Yeah… sorry about that.
Here’s a selection for you:
1) Trumpets- Jason Derulo
Is really about… A boy getting a little bit overexcited…
Evidence: Come on now… ‘Every time you get undressed, I hear symphonies in my head’… that’s a pretty transparent way of saying ‘Cor, nice tits love!’
Those of the more Freudian persuasion might also note the phallic nature of the ‘trumpets’ in question.
Give it up Derulo, we’re on to you.
2) Boys Don’t Cry- The Cure
Is really about… Being a jerk and then refusing to face up to the consequences.
Evidence: the first verse goes like this-
‘I would say I’m sorry if I thought that it would change your mind, But I know that this time I’ve said too much, Been too unkind’.
What a cop out. Any girl knows this is classic boy reasoning: ‘Oh no, you’ve finally left me cause I’ve been mean to you! I’m simply going to assume you wouldn’t forgive me, and therefore continue feeling sorry for myself because of it because I’m a massive idiot’.
Well you must be REALLY sorry then, if you only want to apologise to get your way.
Also, pretending or not; laughing about it is a bad move in anyone’s eyes! What poor girl wants to see her nasty ex laughing about how she’s left him? It’s exactly songs like this that provokes boys to demonstrate seemingly incomprehensible stupidity.
Sort it out Robert.
3) Yellow- Coldplay
Is really about… An unhealthy obsession with ‘The Simpsons’
Evidence: ‘your skin’, ‘I drew a line’, multiple mentioning’s of ‘yellow’
Now maybe I’ve got the wrong end of the stick here but it seems like Chris Martin was pretty strapped for ideas when writing this song. All this stuff about stars is a pretty way of saying ‘This song is about the Simpsons, but I’ll add in some other yellow things to cover it up’.
Nice try Martin, but SOME of us have seen through your rouse.
4) I knew you were trouble – Taylor Swift
Is really saying: “Everyone notice me! My love life is really complicated and deep, I must have recognition!”
Oh Taylor, are you really fishing for sympathy from your fans about your break up with Harry Styles? 95% of the female population, (and a big chunk of the male) would quite happily slaughter their grandmothers for one kiss from Harry Styles (I’m open to the offer Harry), so I’m afraid your painful breakup with him is not going to inspire much pathos from us. Oh no.
“So shame on me”
Yeah you might be being ironic here Tay, but it IS pretty embarrassing that Harry dumped you. Tehe.
5) How long will I love you- Ellie Goulding
Is really about – a tacky one-nighter in Magaluf
Evidence-
‘As long as the sea is bound to wash upon the sand’
Oh that’s how it is is it Ellie? I bet your feeding this poor boy these lines that sound like forever, whilst internally running through your packing list for the plane tomorrow. As far as I know, there are no crashing waves in Herefordshire.
‘As long as stars are above you’ Planning on leaving before daylight El? Classy.
And while we’re on it: ‘As long as your father told you’
What does the bloke’s dad have to do with any of this?
Hmm, we’re not fooled.
6) Drunk in love- Beyonce
Is really saying – ‘We’re married, but we’re still cool! We have sex all day!’
Evidence:
‘Why can’t I keep my fingers off you’ The majority of us are feeling a bit grossed out. You’re married, you have a child, and we don’t need to know any more than that.
Also some ‘seriously, what?’ lines to pick up on;
‘Cigars on ice’… who and why?
‘Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood’… um, ew…
‘He sweat it out like washrags’… again, EW.
And then this cracker from Jay Z:
‘Your breasteses is my breakfast’
This is the worst yet, and now Her Campus feel well and truly grossed out. Enough.
Photo Credits – Weheartit.com