Hey, all you single ladies, I’ve got one for you this Valentine’s Day. Whether you’ve reluctantly agreed to host a spa night with your girl friends, or grudgingly spend the night in with your two real true loves, Netflix and New York Super Fudge Chunk, there will always be those less fortunate than you. Take a look at our countdown of the top five people who have it worse than you this Valentine’s Day, and you’ll know just exactly what I mean.
5. Justin Bieber
The Biebs cannot seem to escape the bad press lately. Heading into the courtroom on February 14th as a result of drunk driving charges, Justin Bieber will quite literally have one of the worst Valentine’s Days of 2014. On top of that, over 100,000 people have signed a petition to deport Bieber, deeming him unfit for American life. I think it’s safe to say the prospect of being single isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you this V-Day.
4. Amanda Knox
Guilty, again? Whether Amanda Knox is guilty or innocent, we may never know, but this year will definitely be amongst her worst. After the Italian Supreme Court demanded a retrial in March 2013, things were not looking good for Knox and ex-boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito. Indeed, on January 30th the Supreme Court ordered guilty verdicts for both Knox and Sollecito. Fourth trial’s a charm?
3. Miley Cyrus
Yes, even though the risque pop star has had an astonishingly successful year musically, this Valentine’s Day will be her first one in years not spent alongside Australian beau Liam Hemsworth. One can only deduce from the hit “Wrecking Ball” that the star is still vulnerable and hurting from their split. Cheer up, Miles.
2. Every Single Person Who Will Get Dumped This Valentine’s Day
What’s worse than going into the nation’s most beloved (or hated) Hallmark day single? Going into the day taken only to then become single. C’mon, you all know someone who’s been in this situation. Whether they were dumped on a day leading up to Valentine’s Day or a couple days after, the feeling is ten times crappier than if they had just been single to begin with.
1. The Denver Broncos
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear a drumroll for the winner of the Worst Valentine’s Day Ever Award. Congratulations, Denver Broncos! Hey, at least you won something, right? Coming off of a 43-8 loss, you can bet your bottom dollar that Eli, I mean Peyton Manning, and the rest of the Denver Broncos will be spending the off-season with their heads down. That, or taking up a long season of golf.
So, there you have it girls. Next time any of you feel lonely or just plain single on Valentine’s Day, remember back to these five groups of people, and maybe you’ll feel the teensiest bit better about your own situation.