I originally wanted to write an article to celebrate the end of Her Campus Sewanee’s Love Yo’Self weekend. Then, I realized: why the hell should Sunday be the end of a short period of self-love, reflection, and appreciation? That makes only three days a year for actively loving myself and encouraging the Her Campus staff to write articles about empowerment and self-love. So, here is the end of Love Yo’Self weekend and the beginning of Love Yo’Self Day everyday:
Ladies, we are all wonderful and beautiful humans. That may sound cliché and you may already be clicking to the next article, but it’s true—there must be something that makes you unique on this earth. Something that makes you you. Something that ignites you with passion. Something or someone that allows you not only to appreciate your body, but to have a great relationship with your body. Whatever that something is, it’s your foot in the door to self-love living beyond a weekend.
Self-Love truly is having a relationship with your body. Your body allowed you to take your first breath on earth and has been taking you places ever since. Your relationship with your body has probably endured ups and downs over the years. Elementary school, where you used your body to run and play. Middle school, where your body was developing. High school, where you probably sought so hard to change your body. And, now, college.
College was the place that I learned to objectify myself. To stand in front of a mirror and think of all the other beautiful women that I saw from day to day and how I was not exactly like them. To wish that my stomach was more toned, or that my face had fewer blemishes, or to wish that I didn’t have to wear makeup.
College is also the place where I slowly developed my relationship with my body. It is where I put on my clogs with socks, skinny jeans, and a shirt that didn’t show a hint of cleavage—an outfit I would have made fun of as a freshman—and said, “I like this, and I don’t care.”
Saying I don’t care has been the most empowering step in cultivating my relationship with my body. It is something that liberated me, showed me that I am not what I wear, and has encouraged me to seek self-love, confidence, and an inner-peace that I had never sought before. I still can’t say I don’t care about some things, like wearing make up every day, but I can say it about other things, which is a step in the right direction.
While I did just wake up one morning and say I don’t care, it was a long time coming, after a journey with my body of ups and downs. It wasn’t until I realized that I had completely turned my back on my own body that I had to return—I had to reunify with the entity so essential to my being.
I have to credit my current boyfriend with this nudge back into embodiment. It is so much easier to learn to love yourself when someone shows you how. When I stood in front of the mirror, panicking, saying, “Oh my god, my roots are so dark and look hideous. There isn’t enough baby powder in the world…” He said, “I know I’m not supposed to say this, but, I actually kind of like the dark root look.” Several days later, when the same self-hate session ensued over my roots, he just said, “They’re beautiful.” And, I stopped. Did my roots really matter? I could say I don’t care about wearing my clogs, but not about my roots? He has been my foot in the door to self-love in ways far beyond my appearance: we have wonderful conversations that make me realize how intellectually capable I am. He helps me sustain and direct my passions. Our relationship allows me to see things about myself and appreciate them, in the way that he does.
I’m not suggesting that everyone needs to go out and find a partner in order to love themselves; this isn’t an article about needing a man to feel whole. If you already love yourself and you wake up every morning like Beyoncé (flawless), then I have the utmost respect for you. But, I know that for some, it’s not always that easy. We sometimes need a nudge to stop body monitoring, to see all of our wonderful qualities and appreciate them. To begin to say, “I don’t care. My appearance doesn’t make me any more or less intelligent, or compassionate, or funny.” So, whether it’s a partner, a roommate, or your mother—find someone who loves you for you, take in what they say next time, and appreciate what you have with them. Your relationship must say something redeeming about you—it probably expresses a lot of redeeming things about you actually.
Just as I ask you to find that person if you need to, be that person for someone else. Chances are that you probably aren’t the only woman who has had ups and downs in this lifelong relationship with our bodies. Remind the women and men in your life to love themselves as much as you love them for their unique qualities. Sometimes you just have to see yourself through someone else’s eyes, and brightening someone else’s day will probably also brighten your day. The qualities we love so dearly in other people are often also found in ourselves, so spread the love and nurture your own appreciation.
In closing, I end this with the official commencement of Love Yo’Self Day everyday.
Ladies, we flawless (but we have to start believing it).