Spring break is coming. Can you smell that in the air? I think its vodka. But it could be Patron. Or maybe it’s a bit of Hennessey. Chances are after five minutes on the beach, you won’t know the difference. So just throw it all in the cup, right? Sip that seven-dollar Strawberry Daiquiri out of that coconut shaped chalice and enjoy the tan lines on that cabana boy. Duh, spring break is a right of passage for college kids everywhere and let’s face it, it’s a straight up guilty pleasure. Instead of getting in the car with mom and dad and driving to grandma’s like you would have six years ago, you board the plane to Cabo with your four best girlfriends and your stowed away bottles of rum and tanning oil.
Enjoy your spring break. Live it up. Break boundaries. Do it all. Maybe even naked cliff dive (a bucket list item for me – i’m a wild child.) But, remember, what happens on spring break, does not stay on spring break. I don’t know who came up with the phrase but they are a big, fat, stupid liar. If, while at a seedy downtown dance club in Mexico, you decide to leave with a particularly scrumptious man, let’s call him GianCarlo, you WILL wake up next to him the next morning. GianCarlo will not magically disappear. You will have to awkwardly shuffle him out of the hotel room your parents paid for and then try to figure out why your bra is in the microwave. When you get back to school next week, you’ll still have seen his crowned jewels – he’ll still know about that birthmark on your ass. Your friends will relentlessly tease you – until the next blue moon – about how you sloppily attempted to take items of your clothing off in a public place. Apparently GianCarlo is into public nudity. But hey, he could still be a nice guy. Just because you wildly screamed MEXICO, BITCHES while you dropped it low on the bar, does not make it any less horrific. Sorry to be blunt. Sidenote: have you ever noticed that? When we go on spring break, we just start yelling crap for no reason? Like, you’re at the pool and you’re sitting with your friend and you’re like 2014 BETCH!! Um, thank you. I knew the year. But I appreciate the reminder. There is no need to yell. We are right next to each other. Anyway…
I’m not saying don’t enjoy your spring break. Go wild! Get buck-naked on a banana boat if that’s what gets you jazzed. But think of this as a PSA. Spring break is awesome, but don’t lose your pants and/or your dignity. Go far but not too far. Cause it will come back to haunt you. Possibly firsthand when you wake up and throw up in a hotel nightstand. I hope you kill it on your respective spring break trips but please do be careful. Just know that spring break is for FUN – not for STD’s and loss of undergarments. Remember, the alcohol will not run out. There will always be another tan man with nice arms. The ocean is not the best idea when belligerently hammered. I hate to be the voice of reason but I just can’t help myself…don’t be afraid to tap the brakes while you are on break this year You don’t want to end up like Selena Gomez in Spring Breakers and be one of James Franco’s underage minions doing drug deals. I know it sounds like a pretty sweet deal, but wait till you see the movie – it’s not cute.
Alright now, you crazy kids. Enjoy your trips!