Luke Schulert ’17

What’s your ideal date? June 5th

Turn on/Turn off? Turn off: indecisiveness

And your turn on?

[Luke frantically looks around, then mumbles incoherently for thirty minutes. He begins to weep gently.]

What do you look for in a girl? Friendly, warm, soft hair, four legs, tail, a dog. I just want a dog.

Random fact? I can wiggle my ears… I can’t. My real fact is I’m a liar. Also I can do a pretty decent Bill Cosby impression. And sick kickflips, I’m really good at those. *kickflips over Veitch’s house*

Who’s your celebrity crush? I would say Beyoncé, but I don’t want to break up that relationship. So… Kerry Washington.

What do you enjoy doing in your free time? This is boring as [expletive omitted], but I do like to read.

You can’t say that on Her Campus. 

[Luke flips over table and storms out, sighing loudly. Before he leaves, a tear visibly rolls down his cheek. Several hours later, Luke returns and types “Damn, Luke is really cool” on my document. I delete it.]

What’s one thing that you like about going to Oxy? It’s a really cool place, and everyone’s really smart, and everything’s great. I really like it here.

What was your most awkward date? It was a double date during my sophomore year of high school. The girls wanted to watch Paranormal Activity, but the theater carded us so we bought tickets to A Christmas Carol and were going to sneak in.  But the girls got caught and so we watched A Christmas Carol. Also I was 15 so everything else was also awkward.

Favorite movie? Airplane, Extremely Goofy Movie is a close second.

Where do you want to live when you’re older? When I’m really old I want a house where I can yell at kids to get off my lawn.