Oh bras, we can’t live with them and can’t live without them. Ever since we were pre-pubescent we’ve had these bad boys strapped to us constricting our chests and making our lives a living hell. It isn’t our fault that we have ta-tas, so why are we punished by wearing these contraptions everyday? This article is all about a girl’s best friend and worst enemy: her bra.
1. They defy gravity
Ever have a day where you aren’t feeling so hot? Maybe your boyfriend broke up with you or you just failed a calculus test? When life intends to bring you down, your bras always got your back. Literally. A good bra lifts you up and supports you in all the right places.
2. It is impossible to find the right bra
If you are a proud member of the itty bitty titty committee, your bra selection is limited to bras that have zero padding and Hello Kitty on the left side of your chest, and bras with enough padding to double as a pillow. Having large tits limits you to a variety of bras you believe your grandma probably wears under her nightgown and just plain ugly bras that you don’t want to show off to anyone, especially a boy you just met.
3. Your favorite bra
This bra deserves some serious recognition. It gives us the confidence that we need and the support we can rely on. It will make you feel like the next Adriana Lima no matter what type of shape you’re in. It will allow you to finally get the attention from that specially someone as well. In this bra there is a 99% shot that you could completely take over the world and feel like a total smoke show on the way to the top.
4. The Disappearing Act
Ever slip on a sports bra to get ready to go to the gym and losing your boobs somehow? It happens to all of us, we like to call it The Disappearing Act. This can be a reason to love and hate your bra. It is super comfortable not having to worry about your boobs bouncing up and down while you’re doing your daily workout routine. But seeing other girls with seemingly perfect melons can stir up some serious chest envy. Don’t worry about them sweetie, they’re probably just wearing two bras to support their low self-esteem.
5. Losing things down there
A bra is a great place to store your key when you go out for a night of clubbing, but having to search down there to find it when you get home can cause some serious problems. Suddenly your small A-Cup bra has turned into a black hole and it’s virtually impossible to find anything. It’s okay though, your real girl friends will never judge.
6. Hand washing? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Out of all the girls we asked nobody has done it. It’s such a bad habit and is partially accountable for why our bras fall apart so fast, but seriously, nobody has the time to do it. We are not going to be caught washing our bras in the communal bathroom sink, that is for darn sure.
7. Adjusting your girls in public? Big No-No
Unlike guys, who can discreetly adjust themselves to maximize comfort, us ladies do not have that luxury. We must go all day silently suffering in the uncomfortable pain which is brought on by our over the shoulder boulder holder. Doesn’t matter if its stabbing you in the side, you have to suck it up and keep on smiling, and occasionally run to the bathroom to fix ‘em up.
8. The struggle of taking it off
Inexperienced guys beware, it’s all fun and games until you can’t get her bra off. Don’t worry gentlemen, we experience it too. It isn’t always just one or two hooks to pop that sucker off, sometimes you need to call for the jaws of life. Ladies, if you can find a man who can take it off and also put it back on; he’s a keeper.
9. Bra-Stuffing
It was tissues when you were 12 but now as an adult everyone has seemed to really step up their game. You don’t just see chicken cutlets at the grocery store anymore. We’ve witnessed socks, tissues, cotton balls and just about everything that shouldn’t be in a bra, placed into a bra to give a little extra oomph. You might just be trying to level the playing field but just focus on your features that you love. Nobody is judging you for your tiny ta-tas so just own them and be proud of what you got, or just buy a kick-ass push-up bra.
10. THIS
Your bra will never stab you in the back, but there is a chance it will stab you in the heart.
We realize that there was more shade thrown in this then there was praise so we would like to thank all bras for always being there for us, you’re the real MVP.