So you’re at one of the clubs on Granville. The gaggle of peeps from your program/floor/club that you came with are nowhere to be seen. You float near the bar, observing the sacred mating dance of the young Vancouverites as they gyrate to the beat of the music. Caught up in your observations, you don’t notice that someone else at the bar is watching you. With your guard down, they move in for the kill:
“Hey, there. Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I scraped my knee falling for you.”
Bam! There it is: the pickup line. Used by men and women alike, a well-placed line to the right person can be a great ice-breaker that gets you a phone number or more, and even if you get laughed at they’ll surely remember you tomorrow.
Pickup lines are always cheesy, but they can also be really fun with the right delivery and attitude. Here are 7 great lines to try out on that cutie in your Political Science lecture the next time you see them at Pit Night:
1. “Hey, I noticed your sweet new drive train. It looks almost as good as you do. Want to do some interval training together sometime?”
If they wear helmet, say that you also like that they ride with protection. If they don’t wear a helmet biking in Van, revaluate their sanity.
2. “How about I cook you dinner with all fresh vegetables from the organics store by my place in Kits and we drink some microbrew craft on my patio? My garden that I planted entirely with compost is almost as gorgeous as you are at this time of year.”
“I’m vegan except for cheese and milk in my chai tea lattes and gelato and also I love eggs. But other than that I’m totally vegan.”
3. “You look like you’re pretty flexible. You should come to my yoga class some time! They have karma classes the last Friday of every month, then after we could go for tea at this great little vegan place I know.”
Couples yoga, am I right?
4. “I don’t subscribe to the idea that either of us needs to feel pressured to make the first move. I know prioritizing worth based entirely on someone’s appearance is a really out-dated and tawdry idea, but you just have such a great vibe I needed to come ask your name. Why don’t we just forget about stereotypical expectations and I buy you a drink?”
Sorry Jason Derulo, you’ve got it all wrong – I just want you to talk nonconforming societal roles to me.
5. “So there’s this band [insert obscure band name] playing this show at [insert underground/secret location]. I think it’s going to be a really chill scene if you want to come along with me.”
“I think you could probably call their sound indiepunkrockaltpostpunkbluegrasstrancejazzhousetrapdubstep or whatever.”
6. “Man, do you just spend all day working out at the Bird Coop? You’re so fit! What do you do besides looking so damn sexy?”
You can thank me later when this line totally works.
7. “You look so cute all wet I almost wasn’t going to offer to share my umbrella. Want to come warm up in this coffee shop? They only serve fair-trade coffee and they have the best gluten-free donuts.”
Yes please, Andrew Garfield. I really, really do.