Most of us have been there. You’re having a very casual conversation with one of your guy friends and suddenly you realize he’s looking at you funny: smiling at you and staring into your eyes for longer than normally. “I have something to tell you,” he says and you know what’s coming. The terrifying three words that will totally shatter what you thought was totally platonic friendship with your best male pal. “I love you.”
If you’ve experienced this, you probably freaked out a little and struggled to react calmly. Your friendship may have ended because you couldn’t say it back and the awkwardness from then on never subsided. Or maybe you were one of the lucky ones who realized that he’s been your true soulmate all along…ugh, lucky b*tch.
Recognizing that this is a situation that occurs quite frequently in co-ed friendships, Her Campus Bucknell has a few tips for you.
Don’t panic.
It’s natural to feel totally blindsided, but don’t get upset or frazzled! Reply with a sincere smile. Say something like, “Wow, I’m totally flattered! I really do love you as a friend.” He might push it and try to explain how he really loves you MORE than a friend. To this reply, “I think you’re a great friend and great person, but I just don’t feel the same way. Let’s keep our friendship how it is!” Do remember, though, he totally put himself out there. It takes guts to be in that vulnerable position and express how you feel on that level. Make sure you aren’t rude to him, but make sure you’re clear with him about how you feel.
Let go of the awkwardness.
After that initial blow, you might not see him for a while. Chances are, he was pretty upset and slightly embarrassed. Next time you see him, do NOT bring it up. Ignore it. Pretend like it didn’t even happen. If you can separate the conversation from your friendship and recognize the friendship can be salvaged, your next encounters won’t be awkward.
Give him space.
It’s inevitable to feel uncomfortable around him for a while, so until you feel that he is over his feelings for you, cut down on one-on-one time. Give him a little space to recover, and give yourself some time to feel at ease around him again.
But don’t avoid him.
If you want to remain friends, don’t ignore him. Shutting him out completely will only hurt him. If he needs to continue the conversation and talk it out with you in order to get over it, give him the time he needs. Find a happy medium between giving him space, yet not going MIA.
Know when to call it quits.
20 missed calls at 2 a.m. on Friday night from him? Yeah probably time to terminate the friendship.