If you’ve made it this far, you’ve made it past turkey dump season! Congrats! So now what? How do you get off to a good start with someone once you’ve both established interest in each other? Or maybe you’re just looking for something casual and want to avoid any awkward conversations later on? Check out these pointers on how to build the best foundation for exactly the type of relationship you want.
1. Take it easy.
The awesome thing about post-high school relationships is that there’s no “Let’s go out! We’re dating now!” nonsense. There are many chances to just test the waters, and see if there’s any potential. Take chances. Go out for coffee. Go on a blind date. Experiment, and see what you’re interested in. Be casual. Don’t expect too much; just have fun.
2. Make sure you’re comfortable with the label.
Relationship labels can come in all shapes and sizes. The lines can be as blurred or as defined as you and your partner(s) choose. Just make sure you personally are happy with how they’re drawn. However awkward it may be at first, it’s important to discuss whether you are exclusive, and what “seeing each other” actually means; you’ll save yourself a lot of sleepless nights! Definitions vary for everyone, so don’t assume anything. Make sure you talk things out and clarify that so all parties are on the same page.
3. Get to know each other by talking regularly and developing habits and a strong base.
If you’re not comfortable talking, that may be a sign that a longer relationship will not fly. Communication is so important throughout any kind of relationship. Get to know each other by asking more specific questions (i.e. “what kinds of sports do you like to play?” as opposed to “what do you like to do?”; or “how did your test go?” instead of “how was your day?”). Try to make a point of staying in touch at least once a day, just to connect, catch up, and get that rhythm going. Get comfortable with each other.
4. Don’t ditch everything else in your life!
It’s never cool to blow off all your friends and family for a new guy. This can shorten the honeymoon period by a lot, and it leads to a very good chance of a quick, fiery ‘burn and die’ fling. The honeymoon period will go away and things will change; the more things you ditch at the start, the less chance you’ll have of surviving that change. Try to incorporate your partner into already existing areas of each other’s lives (i.e. going out for dinner, doing groceries, sleeping over, etc.). This will result in a less intense honeymoon phase, and a stronger relationship overall. Besides, always remember that this is your life; nothing should be put on hold. Knowing this also decreases “clinginess,” which puts you off to a very good start because throughout every relationship, space and independence are crucial in maintaining interest and passion.
5. Diversify activities.
Don’t just stay in the house and make out, as tempting as that may be. You will quickly get bored. Find new things to do together, even if that’s as simple as taking a walk or going for dinner! Be creative, be romantic, and most importantly, have fun! People react differently depending on the environment and it’s always interesting to know those different sides.
6. Rein in jealousy.
Everyone needs breathing room. Remember that trust is relationship glue. If your partner has never given you a reason to worry, then don’t worry (note: that is not the same thing as being blind!). You lead independent lives, with different friends and different manners. You are no one’s property, and neither are they.
7. Be honest.
If you feel like something may not be working out the way you thought it would, mention that as soon as possible. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding, a change in situation, or a change of heart, all of which can easily happen. This is totally fair – just make sure you’re not hurting someone in the process. Being honest right from the start about boundaries, comfort levels, and personal issues is the only way to ensure any potential for the future.
8. Understand that sometimes, unfortunate things happen and some differences can’t be resolved.
Soulmates may or may not be real, but compatibility certainly is. Whether it’s a matter of timing, context, or just differing values or personality, sometimes no amount of trying can make it work. Remember to put yourself first, and always be certain of your worth. Don’t settle; know what you need and deserve.
9. Understand that often, many issues can be resolved through communication and love.
If both people care enough to make the effort, that’s when the magic happens.