“You don’t get a choice whether or not you are going to dance with me, you’re a freshman.” “Yo, if I get her drunk enough she won’t be able to say no.” “Just one more shot with me, you’ll be fine!” “She’s been flirting with me all week, she definitely wants sex, even if she says no she’s probably just playing hard to get.” “She won’t even remember we did it, it’s fine.” “She would never tell anyone anyways” “Oh, she is just another sl*t, she won’t say no.”
These are just a few of the many awful comments that I have heard at parties. I wish I could say that I made all of those up, but they were so repulsive that they have been stuck in my mind for months.
In a report from the CDC in 2012, they found that “in a study of undergraduate women, 19% experienced attempted or completed sexual assault since entering college.” That is nearly one in five. And as a college-aged girl, this is very scary. There are roughly 38,000 students enrolled at the University of Maryland, which means 7,220 are likely to experience attempted or completed sexual assault by the end of their college years according to this statistic.
Every two minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. 44 percent of sexual assault victims are under the age of 18, two-thirds of sexual assaults are committed by someone the victim knows, and 93 percent of juvenile sexual assault victims know their attacker. (Read more here)
We live in a society where we are told to not get sexually assaulted. We are taught how to prevent sexual assault, how bystanders can intervene a sexual assault, yet we are not taught not to sexually assault. Women are told that what they wear somehow gives men the idea that it is okay to touch, grope, or even rape, instead of putting emphasis on teaching that clothing is not an invitation. Somehow there is this misconception that wearing a miniskirt equates to wearing a sign that says, “I want sex.”
I. Rape Can Happen to Anyone, Anywhere
There is a preconceived notion that rape only occurs randomly and that the attackers are people the victim did not know. It is a problem that as a society we are not able to fully accept that anyone can sexually assault. In the cases of college campuses, the attackers are often other students or even faculty. They are people who do not fit into the stereotypical “rapist” mold. We cannot combat the issue if we are not looking at the right people, who are everyone – anyone can be a rapist. Also, when we are not able to see past the stereotypical rapist (someone who hides in the shadows waiting for a victim to prey upon) those who fall victim to sexual assault often do not see it as sexual assault either. It is important to educate from the start that rape can happen to anyone by anyone, even someone like their sibling, a neighbor, or even in the case of relationship violence; their significant other.
II. Blaming the Victim
Our society needs a serious wake-up call. One of the most popular questions people seem to ask after a women has been sexually assaulted is, “Well, what was she wearing?” Why does it matter what she was wearing?! What I choose to wear or not wear does not dictate to anyone the sexual nature of my being. Wearing a low cut shirt does not mean I want random guys at a frat party to touch me, nor does it give them an invitation to do so. It is a problem that our society fixates on the reasons why the victim was raped rather then fixating on why the rapist did what they did. I have also been recently exposed to a metaphor stating that “women dressing provocatively and carrying themselves in a specific fashion is like a homeowner leaving their house unlocked.” Duh, now I get it, they were definitely asking for it.
Daisy Coleman, a 14-year-old girl from Missouri, was allegedly raped while passed out drunk. Instead of trying to help her fight justice, she was suspended from her high school’s varsity cheerleading team for, what she states players saying to her, “asking for it.” By blaming the victim, our society is teaching that the victim is at least partially responsible for their assault, which is one of the core problems with the way society views sexual violence, contributing to the idea of rape culture.
III. Public Harassment and Objectification
With the recent catcalling video having gone viral on the Internet, people are finally starting to see just what a problem catcalling is. To cat call is defined by Oxford Dictionaries as, “Make a whistle, shout, or comment of a sexual nature to a woman passing by.” However, it does not mention that more often then not, these comments are unwanted by the victim. I found myself discussing the catcalling video in an English class and some of the comments I heard from the men in my class really startled me. One member of my class stated that he didn’t understand why women were not flattered by these comments, why we did not just smile and say thank you to the men who were yelling at us to give them our numbers, tell them our names, be grateful they even complimented us, or be grateful that they just told us in detail how hard they would have sex with us. Yes, I would gladly tell these creepy strangers thank you for making me feel uncomfortable and unsafe on my own campus. So, I formally apologize to all those men who I have disrespected with my lack of thankfulness towards their unwanted sexual comments. Most often, like the woman in the video, those who are victims of harassment choose to keep walking and not respond; often the men continue to pursue. The harasser is sending the message that his desire to speak and harass goes beyond the bounds of comfort for the women. Thus, he is giving off the impression that he really could care less how the woman feels. If men are going to act this way in public settings, it is easy to project how they are going to act behind closed doors. If they don’t respect women enough to leave them alone in one situation, they are often not going to respect women enough to stop if a women says, “no” to his sexual advances.
IV. Dress codes, Anti-Rape Wear Teach Women to Expect the Worst
It is unfortunate that we live in a time where dress codes are implemented often because a young girl’s body creates a distraction for young boys. Why is society teaching young boys that girls should have to cover themselves up for them, instead of teaching young boys not to sexualize the female body? Girls are taught from a very young age that how they dress and present themselves is a direct link to their intentions with others. The middle school I attended would not allow us to wear tank tops that had straps that were not at least three fingers wide as if wearing spaghetti straps was too sexual for the boys and faculty to handle. I am not sure if I really even need to discuss Anti-Rape wear and the problems associated with it. The fact that women feel that they need to go out and get these devices and products because they believe attempted rape or rape is inevitable is very saddening and sickening.
V. The University’s New Sexual Misconduct Policy
There are a plethora of things that I find appalling about this new policy about sexual misconduct on campus. First and foremost, University of Maryland President Wallace Loh was quoted in an interview with The Washington Post saying, “Wait a second, if somebody touches somebody else, non-consensually, that constitutes an assault?’ You are demeaning the word assault. You’re trivializing it.” What the President is saying with this comment is that if someone comes up to me on campus and grabs my boobs, that is ‘unwanted touching’ rather then assault. I am sorry President Loh, but unwanted touching would be if someone touches my shoulder or my arm and I don’t like it, but if someone intentionally gropes me, that is assault. By labeling actions as unwanted touching rather than assault is in turn trivializing the situation. Why are you worried about trivializing the word assault, when the whole reason for this reform was to bring strength to these cases? Instead of thinking about it as trivializing the word, why not think of it as finally bringing light to how awful these situations can be, both mentally and physically, to college-aged women and men on your campus, by calling them what they truly are: assault.
Under the school’s new Sexual Misconduct Policy, there has been a change in wording between what the state of Maryland labels as “Sexual Assault II” to what the University is labeling “Sexual Contact.” It is defined as:
“Sexual Contact: (Non-consensual sexual contact) means any unwanted intentional touching of the intimate body parts of another person or yourself; causing another to touch your intimate body parts; or the disrobing or exposure of another without consent. Intimate parts may include genitalia, groin, breast, or buttocks, or clothing covering them, or any other body part (including your own) that is touched in a sexual manner. Unwanted sexual contact includes attempted sexual intercourse.”
Attempted rape is not assault in the University’s eyes. If I am forced onto a bed, onto the ground, into a car, or anywhere for that matter, it is not labeled as assault? If I were to be pinned down in any other situation, it would be viewed as assault. But apparently if it’s sexual it is just “unwanted sexual contact?” Unwanted sexual contact is a euphemism for that of which the school doesn’t wish to accept. I doubt most guys are just going to grope and be on their way.
VI. There Is A Stigma Against Reporting Rape
Sexual assault is a seriously underreported crime. The Department of Justice released a study in 2012 stating that, “On average, an estimated 211,200 rapes and sexual assaults went unreported to police each year between 2006 and 2010.”
This Rolling Stone article published has recently gone viral, discussing rape allegations at the University of Virginia. The girl in the piece, Jackie, tells her horrific personal story of being gang-raped at a frat party. However, one of the worst parts of this story other than the rape itself was the way her friends and the faculty members reacted. She discusses how her friends did not urge her to report it, stating that she didn’t want to ruin her reputation and keep her from being able to attend any frat party after, like she would even want to. As explained in the article, students are not explicitly pressured into not reporting their sexual assault, but often do not end up following down the path of disciplinary action or federal action.
There is a serious problem with the way society reacts towards sexual assault victims. One in eight college-aged victims do not report their assault. (While if we can remember; roughly one in five girls claim to be sexually assaulted during their college years). In a report by The U.S. Department of Justice called “The Sexual Victimization of College Women,” it states that some reasons that college women did not pursue in reporting their assault were that “they did not see the incidents as harmful or important enough,” or that, “not wanting family or other people to know about the incident, lack of proof the incident happened, fear of reprisal by the assailant, fear of being treated with hostility by the police, and anticipation that the police would not believe the incident was serious enough and/or would not want to be bothered with the incident.” There is a stigma that Universities and other institutions will not believe you if you come forward with rape allegations, or that they will not deem them serious enough. Something even more chilling is that a lot of college women do not believe the system is going to help them, so why even bother if their rapist or attacker is just going to go free. Why would I want to go to the school if I didn’t have faith that they would help me? That is a problem that many college-aged students are facing today. Report the crime and possibly have it be taken serious and possibly have their attacker removed from campus and receive backlash, or stay silent. Unfortunately, many choose to stay silent. Schools need to reevaluate their policies and sincerity at which they take sexual assault claims.
After the article was published, Nicole Eramo, Associate Dean of Students and Head of UVA’s Sexual Misconduct Board, was interviewed by WUVA and made a painful statement. She stated that students who came forward stating that they had sexually assaulted other students, were not expelled from the school, saying, “That they’re willing to say that—‘I’ve done something wrong and I recognize that, and I’m willing to take my licks and deal with it’—that’s very important to me. I think that shows a level of understanding of what they did that I don’t see in a hearing necessarily.” How come if I were to say that I cheated on an exam I would face immediate disciplinary action that might result in expulsion, but if I come forward and say “oh yeah, well, yep, I raped her, sorry” I may not even have to go to a disciplinary hearing! Why does cheating hold more weight then ruining someone else’s life?
VII. Rape Jokes
Rape jokes are at the center of controversy because some comedians have chosen to pursue them. They raise the controversy of whether or not it is okay for society to see sexual violence as something funny. Daniel Tosh, popular comedian with his own show on Comedy Central, allegedly made this joke during his show, Tosh.0, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…?” The idea that people can laugh at and make jokes about such a traumatic issue makes it seem like it isn’t really that big of a deal at all.
Yale frat pledges also became the center of controversy in 2010 when they marched through campus shouting “No means yes! Yes means anal!” This is completely trivializing and encouraging rape on a college campus which is completely unacceptable.
Rape culture is very prevalent in society; however, we have the voices to change the track of the United States. We as college students have a role and a responsibility to demand change on our campus and campuses across the country. We cannot allow this to go on any longer. If you are a girl, think of a time when you will not need to be afraid of being at a frat party, if you are a guy, think of a time where your girlfriend, sister, best friend, or even daughter will not have to be afraid to be a girl in today’s society. Let’s say no to rape culture and bring an end to sexual violence.