So it’s Sunday and everyone wants to get together for the perfect last hurrah before the doom that is Monday hits. It is not just any Sunday though, it is Super Bowl Sunday. Everyone is going to be talking about the one subject you have pretended to understand for the past 21 years…football.
No worries, with this basic guide to understanding football, we have you covered.
Part 1: Offense
First step, do you really care who wins? Are you just picking whatever team your friends/significant other like? Pick a team to root for.
When that team moves the football 10 yards in 3 tries, give a little hoot. This is good!
If it is the 4th try and they haven’t gotten 10 yards, things get intense.
They just might punt it and give it to the other team. This is when you sigh or complain. You can say something like, “They should have gone for it!” Obviously observe your surroundings to see which action is more suitable.
In this same situation, the team could also try to keep possession and gain however many yards are left to get to 10. Just follow Steve Carell’s lead:
If that team gets to the 10-yard marker, they get to keep moving towards a touch down! Cue celebration! Continue the above process until your team gets a touchdown or they lose possession of the ball.
If that team doesn’t get to the 10-yard marker, cue anger.
Part 2: Defense
This is when your team is trying to stop the other team from moving down the field. A good go-to slogan might be, “Get ‘em!”
The other team is within twenty yards of getting a touchdown, cue nervous teeth chatter.
The other team doesn’t get a touchdown, but then kicks the ball through the yellow post. This is bad – they just got three points. Blasphemy!
This should be enough to get you through the basics of understanding football. These steps will repeat for four quarters until the team with the most points wins. With these guidelines and some simple human observation, you will have this down after the first half of the game. If that doesn’t work out, you always have the buffalo chicken dip.