Fact: Kenyon is a tiny place.
There are a lot of people concentrated into an unusually small campus, so nearly every face looks familiar. But we all have those particular people who we sort-of-kind-of know, but don’t know enough to be sure whether or not we should acknowledge them as they walk past us. These people might be the ones who sit near you in class and maybe exchange small talk about the homework or the weather, or maybe they’re the ones you randomly met in the dark of Old K when you were both buzzed and feeling friendly. Whoever they are, you’re bound to cross paths eventually (i.e. Middle Path) and when this happens, it’s common to be filled with feelings on social ineptitude and dread, and so our immediate response tends to be to avoid any interaction all together. The following is a useful guide to help you avoid these awkward encounters and navigate Kenyon like an anti-social butterfly.
1. Pretend you didn’t see them/Don’t make eye contact. This is the most basic maneuver to avoid any awkward greeting. Either keep your eyes firmly glued to the ground in front of you, look at the scenery or anywhere but where people are walking, or strategically plan swift glances down Middle Path to detect any incoming people that need to be avoided. Feel free to look wherever you want when the coast is clear.
2. Wear headphones. People don’t mess with headphones. They are a universal sign for “Leave me alone, I don’t want to talk to you.” Plus, you get to jam out while simultaneously blocking out the rest of the world. Even if your iPod is running low on battery, just stick in those mute ear buds and enjoy the silence.
3. Make a phone call. If you’re talking to someone else, especially if it’s a disembodied person, no one can fault you for being too distracted to greet an individual in the procession of bodies parading down Middle Path. (Warning: There was a time in Kenyon’s social history that proper Middle Path etiquette would frown upon people talking on cell phones. However, this antiquated decorum seems to be fading away. Proceed with caution.)
4. Walk in a different direction or pop into the nearest building. Remember that article you needed to print? Or do you suddenly need to use the restroom? Or maybe you just fancy taking the scenic route to class? Now’s the perfect time to seize the day and make the most out of your stroll.
5. Check your phone. Casually glancing down to check the time or answer that text from you mom is a slick way to briefly divert your attention from approaching avoidees if they’ve snuck up on you without your usual defensive glance down Middle Path. (Warning: See warning from #4).
6. Look pensive. Furrow your brow like you’re thinking about philosophy or reciting a poem to yourself and no one will believe you’re ignoring them. This works especially well for people wearing glasses. People might even think you look smart, if they don’t think you look irritable. Either way, they’ll leave you alone.
7. Finally, just smile and say hello. As Regina Spektor so wisely sings, “People are just people, they shouldn’t make you nervous.” If you’re the one to initiate the greeting, rather than waiting for the other person to make eye contact, you’ll conquer the awkwardness and present yourself favorably to your acquaintance. Who knows, maybe the two of you could hit it off. A little friendliness goes a long way.