The sequel to “When You’ve Been Wronged”.
When you have been wronged by somebody, no matter who they are, no matter what they did, I’m sure the first thing that you want to do is march right up to that person and punch them in the face tell them that what they did was not nice…not nice at all. Getting over the hurt is not an easy task and it definitely takes a lot of strength to answer the question “Are you okay?”, truthfully. I can’t tell you that there is one magic task to make yourself whole again but, what I can give you are some tips that will help you get there.
1. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you may have
Probably one of the worst feelings is when you fully grasp that a person whom you trusted so deeply has caused you such heartache. Instead of trying to stifle the emotions and “stay strong”, allow yourself to feel the ache that the person has left behind. By allowing yourself to feel all of the emotions, it makes you face the situation head-on instead of it building up in your mind and blowing up later.
2. Lean on your family and closest friends
Everyone has a different way of dealing with being wronged by somebody. I am a firm believer that talking about the situation and finding support in those you love will assist in the healing process tremendously. I do have a word of caution: only talk to the people you completely trust about the situation; information can be skewed so easily and it doesn’t make things any easier when others start taking “sides” because of that information. Don’t fuel the fire. Trust me on this. If you prefer to keep the situation to yourself, that’s completely fine! Ask your friends/family to give you some time to open up. In the meantime just spend time in their company, and take comfort in the fact that they love you no matter what.
3. Find a way to take out your anger in a healthy way
I know the feeling. The gut-wrenching feeling that causes you to second-guess everything about yourself. You get sad, and eventually, (if not right away) you get angry. Having your anger build up will only fuel a grudge that you may end up holding for a very long time, yet egging their house or harming the person who wronged you won’t do you any favors either. Anger is a powerful emotion and it needs to be dealt with in a positive way. Here are a few suggestions:
- Journal everything that you are feeling at any given moment
- Take up a kick-boxing class, run until you forget, or just scream into a pillow for a small release
- Make a playlist of music that makes you feel good and play it when you start to think about the situation
- Write a letter to the person who wronged you and then burn it or keep it to yourself until you’re ready to let it go
4. Breathe
Four square breathing: I absolutely love this technique. Simply breathe in for 4 seconds and hold that breath for 4 seconds, then slowly exhale for 4 seconds and then just relax and hold that last breath for 4 seconds. Repeat however many times necessary. Throw in some calming music and voila, your mind is a little more at peace (for a little while at least).
5. Forgive
I know what you’re (probably) thinking: Hell. No. And I do not blame you in the slightest. Forgiving someone who has hurt you is probably one of the toughest things to do. I’m not here to tell you the cliché: Even if they don’t deserve your forgiveness, you don’t deserve to have your heart consumed by hate (or variations of the sort). I can’t teach you how to forgive because I don’t know if I have fully forgiven the one(s) who have hurt me. As I said in my last post, time really is your best friend, especially when it comes to forgiving somebody. It is a true strength to forgive those who hurt you, and when you find that strength and let go of their hold over you, I have heard it is liberating. Let me know how it feels.