There are certain moments that stand out in a relationship. You might claim that you remember all of the good times you had with your S.O., but let’s face it, the fifth and sixth movies you watched? They’re going to blend together. However, here are some important moments that you shouldn’t lose sight of.
1. First Date
Of course, the very first time you go out is important. You’re testing to see if there’s chemistry. You’re not trying to see if you’d marry the person. You’re not trying to see if you could love the person. Frankly, you’re testing whether you could bear a second date with this person. Like, okay there were awkward silences, but could I do this again?
Or, you might be in the situation where you were friends first. You’re not looking at the other person wondering, “Who are you,” but you’re questioning how you can make the transition from friends to more. What elements of your old relationship do you keep and what do you change to seem more…girlfriendy?
The first date is a test, but assuming he passed, you’ll arrive at First #2.
2. First Kiss
Next, we have the first kiss. I don’t think the first kiss has to be perfect. You might both lean left and bump noses. Or it might have been too wet, too dry, too long, or too short. But the first kiss is the way you say to each other that you see each other as more than friends. This is a trophy saying that you conquered the friend-zone and you get to move on to the next step. Don’t worry if it wasn’t a Notebook-worthy-kissing-in-the-rain scene. The first kiss is an invitation for it to be the first of many.
3. First Sleepover
The first sleepover – whether it be at your place or his – is the time you’re telling each other that you like one another so much you’re willing to accept the groggy, cranky version of this person. You’re so interested in him that the date or the party the night before wasn’t enough; you want more time, and you want to see them in the morning, too.
Personally, I’d aim to be respectful. You are either a guest or a host, and both require a degree of civility, perhaps higher than you’d see at a frat or a bar. But at the same time, realize that this person likes you enough to spend the whole night with you. And you should be able to make yourself comfortable and see if it works for you. You’re giving this person a lot of your time and you want to make sure it pays off.
4. First Time He Meets Your Friends
The friend test. Unless you two come from the same friend group, meeting friends is a big deal. Every girl wants her friends to stamp the seal of approval on a guy. Especially when boys and crushes are involved, your friends might see what’s in your own best interest better than you do! So you want them to say that they like him, that you’re cute together. They might comment on how shy he was, how polite he was, the level of PDA, etc. Take their advice to heart. They want what’s best for you and it’s on him to put his best foot forward. He should care about meeting people who are so important to you.
5. First Time You Meet His Friends
Meeting his friends is a very different test. Yes, it’d be nice if you loved all of his friends. But more importantly, in my opinion, is how he treats you in front of them. How does he introduce you? Does he include you in some of the conversation? You might not be invited to speak in every sentence, but every now and then he should remember you’re there. Does he like having you there or does he act like you’re intruding? These are all important things because if this relationship is going anywhere, you’re going to see these people again, and that should be enjoyable for you and not just for him.
6. First Argument
Yay, the first argument! Just kidding. But seriously, this part is important. The first argument is important because you’re seeing if you will get through it. Relationships are going to include arguments. So, you might as well find out sooner rather than later whether or not the two of you will be able to work things out and act like adults. If you’re going to be slamming doors and giving each other the stink eye, maybe you need someone a little more agreeable. Sometimes, two fiery personalities aren’t the perfect match.
Essentially, I’d see how he fights; if he really cares about you, he should be able to disagree with you without playing dirty. He shouldn’t throw things into your face and say words specifically crafted to hurt you. I’d also see if he’s interest in compromise or only interested in “winning.” Nobody wants to lose every fight. So if he needs to “win” the fight, you have to consider whether you’re okay with losing every disagreement. But if he clearly wants to compromise and you two are just having trouble reaching a point where you see eye to eye, that’s a good start. And you’ll find a point of agreement soon enough if you both care about the other’s opinion and want to stop arguing.
7. First Time You…You Know
I’m talking about sex if you didn’t get my reference. The big three-letter word. The birds and the bees.
Like the first kiss, I don’t think sex has to be perfect the first time. The great thing about sex in relationships is that it can get better each time because you can communicate with one another about what you like and don’t like. I wouldn’t worry about whether you “get there” the first time. Not getting there the first time doesn’t mean you never will. The important thing is the vulnerability you’re sharing with one another. You’re giving yourself to another person. You’re literally naked in front of him, which could allow the guy to laugh, to judge, or to change his mind. But you trust him to do none of these things. You trust him to treat you right and not change his behavior afterward.
Honestly, just enjoy the firsts no matter what they are. These are the memories you’ll remember and if they don’t turn out right, they make great stories ;)