The 11 Stages Of Going Out

1.    The Facebook Scroll

You’re casually scrolling through Facebook (I mean, taking a break from doing homework) when suddenly that little red spot appears onto of your notifications.  That cute guy who was in the same residence as you invited you to a house party tonight.  See mom and dad? I have friends! I’m doing just fine…

2.    The Roundup

Ok, well you can’t go to this party alone.  And the Facebook event encourages us to bring “ppl”, so to avoid standing alone in a corner, you need recruitments.  First you text your roommates, then, as a second choice, a few girls that were on your floor that you’ve meant to keep in touch with, and finally, just as a last resort, that girl who always sits beside you in class, who’s number you got when she wanted notes.  Surely somebody will go with you.

3.    The Important Decisions

Obviously, the thing that matters the absolute most about this night is what you wear, so its best to start planning a few hours in advance.  That way, in a dire situation, a quick run to the mall can always occur.  You need to wear something that hasn’t been in an instagram picture (or at least a recent one), that you look AMAZING in, but definitely not so that it looks like you planned it hours in advance.  With having to focus on all of these important things, relieve stress for yourself but not worrying about whether what you’re wearing is weather appropriate, or if you’ll be able to walk in your heels after thirty minutes (these are irrelevant details).

4.    The Regret

So you’ve deemed an outfit acceptable, you’ve finished the debate over whether or not you absolutely NEED to wash your hair and shave your legs, and you have a group of friends who are going to be at your house soon.  Except as time has passed, your bed looks more and more comfortable.  Maybe its due to exhaustion from all of your prepping, or perhaps its the dread you feel as you anticipate the excruciating pain that your feet will feel from your killer heels in just a few mere hours, but regardless, a ‘netflix and chill’ night is seeming more and more appealing. 

5.    The Finishing Touches

No, you can’t back down now, after you spent an eternity stabbing yourself in the eye with eyeliner, recreated Fashion Runway to decide your outfit, and sent out a ‘sorry for all of my drunk texts’ anticipatory text to your crush, just so they know you have an exciting life that involved something other than netflix and online shopping.  You pull yourself out of bed, impulsively choose a lipstick colour and fix the wings on your eyeliner one last time and wait for your friends to come.

6.    The Pre

Everyone is here, bottles in hand, ready to drink.  No one wants to show up at the party the least drunk, since that just leaves you judging drunken idiots; and no one wants to show up as the most drunk, since that leaves you as the drunken idiot everyone is judging.  You trust your friends to help you navigate the perfect amount, though a series of drinking games that you can never quite remember the rules to…

7.    The Commute

This night seems to be all about decisions, with the next one being whether to walk or take a taxi.  Unfortunately, this isn’t an individual decision, as it needs to be determined by your entire group.  Theres always that one friend who’s heels are uncomfortable, or thinks the weather is too cold, or who’s wallet opens a bit more after every drink that ultimately forces everyone into a cab.  This is where you get to have your ‘therapy’ with your cab driver, who will wisely agree with your friends that you shouldn’t hook up with that guy who ‘so doesn’t deserve you’ and that your top definitely isn’t too revealing. 

8.    The Main Event

You’re here. Theres loud music and lights.

9.    The Food

You’re chalking your insane hunger up to a combination of burning a lot of calories from dancing, and only eating a salad for dinner to ensure that your body con dress looked perfect; all you know is that you need to be consuming food RIGHT. NOW. Pizza sounds so delicious right now, the though of the hot stringy cheese and soft doughy bread melting in your mouth gives you the motivation to leave the party and brave the journey to the closest pizza place.

10. The Regret (Round 2)

You wake up the next morning with your eyes mascara – glued together, a bit of pizza sauce on your cheek and a throbbing, mind – numbing headache. You try to remember when you got run over by a truck last night, except the only memory you can conjure up is the number of shots you had the night before.  You vow to never go out again, nothing is worse the pain you are feeling right now.  You’re thankful you don’t have class today, so you can eat Mcdonalds and play on your laptop in bed.

11. The Invite

Just as your settling into bed, ready to take your first bight of your greasy breakfast sandwich, and Facebook creep all of the photos of the party last night to make sure that your outfit looked as good as it did at the beginning of the night, a notification pops up on your screen.  As you scroll though the event thats happening tonight, you see that all of your friends are going.  If you sleep all day, I’m sure you’ll be fine.

• club
• party